Transcript
Jammie McLean California Hope Dear fire inside. 5 - 17 - 15 My name is Jammie Mclean. I am writeing for a few reasons and I hope by the time your done with this letter it will help others. Thank you. Well right now I am in SHU at C. I. W. I been in SHU almost 2 yrs. This has been the hardest time for me yet only because I been threw a lot. Like I said I was 17 yrs. old when I got 17 - life I came right to prison at age 17. No help no friends just me. I did not kill no one. I was just that luck one to have trial at the right time. I was the first teen girl to get Life. No I did not cry I don't know why. Yes I had good times and bad times just like everyone else at v-s-p-w. I got real close to a few people who helped me in a lot of ways. I learned how to write, read, do self - help groups and do positive things. Yes over time I lost family to Death. I still never let it go yet. Yes I did my legal work to get out. But yet no hope. Just that same dream as always. Just this year in 2015 I talked to my younger sisters. It ment a lot only because I thought just like other people I was thrown out like trash. But my hope came to me. My sisters told me they are by my side now and always was. My younger sister is going to law-school. She said to be that kick ass lawyer to get me out. I told her I believe her. Before [illegible] talking to them I was in a dark place in Life I got in a lot of trouble behind not feeling like I was being understood. Stress was very heavy on me. Violence was all around me in more ways than one. The violence was not so much us inmates but with staff. C. C. W. F. was so different for me and others. You can feel the stress threw the air. I went to [Ad-seg?] behind bullshit. (Hear say.) in [Ad-seg?] I was so mad, so stressed out I acted out and threw water out my door, not trying to hit no one. I did hit the medical staff, not her but her cart. She lied on me. I still got to go to court behind it. The staff use to bang my door all the time call me names, call others outside there name. I was not getting the medical help I really needed. When I got sent to SHU at C. I. W. I felt a lot better, less stress. The staff is a lot better. My dark place got a little brighter. Just a few weeks ago I was told some bad news. I was told at the age 36 I might have breast cancer in my left breast. I went out to medical for more test. First thing I did was cry. I lost my mother at the same age for the same thing. The other thing I did was fall down and cry and pray. I prayed like no other time. I am not the kind of person that prays a lot. I need to. Then I first wrote my family and broke down. Then I went to bed for a few days. I let Depression get the best of me. Then out of nowhere I heard a voice. (Say get up.) I did. I began to write what I feel and why. The only word that popped out was (hope.) Then I realized this psalm 94:19. When doubts filled my mind your comfort gave renewd hope and cheer. The lord is our source of hope because his promises are true. We lose hope when we stop believing that. The resurrection the greatest event in History, is the foundation of your hope. Jesus promised that he would rise from the Dead. And because he did, you can be assured that every other promise God makes to you will also come true. No I am not trying to throw the world at you. Trust me I am open to everyone because this is just what I felt and I believe others will fill the same. Just because the [court?] gave us life or the Board keeps throwing us out or you get bad news from home or medical or your just having a Bad Day. Just remember the word Hope. H. O. P. E. I opened my eyes and I see Life diffrent. If I do have cancer I will have hope. I will fight to the end and I will be free in all ways. Yes it will be hard but what is not. This time in prison been up and down. There are other people who are sick also. Do not give up fight for your Life. If I do not have cancer yes I am blessed but I been blessed. I been free. I been free inside my spirit inside my Heart inside my mind. That is what no one can take from me or you. I have a new kind of hope. No more dark thoughts. No more dark places. It is filled with hope, joy, freedom, people that support me no matter what, just have hope Transcribed in 2017
