Transcript
October, 23, 2018 "Essay 4 Archive" The Things I Can't Explain Its somethings in this life that seem to be unexplainable don't you think? Well my friend let me explain this with you. What I'm about to share with you is just an story I will make up, but this story hold some truth only pertaining the [innerstading] of my soul and maybe your's too. Try to picture yourself! "The Soul In The Box" (Part One) "Imagine yourself as the embodiment of all the wrong you have done. You are anger, hate, bitter, repulsive, and everything that you are and are not. Relize that your not perfect but feel that everyone is. You hate the way you are and how you treat people. You know that you are a monster and only deserve to be locked in a cage. The more you think about this the more you are angry at no one else but yourself; so you fall asleep and dream this.... :You wake up slowly, its dark, you can't see a thing. The silence in the air gives chills down your back, you start to breathe harder. Your mind is filled with horror, you don't understand who put you here; nor how you entered this place. You have no support because of all the bad things you've done; and you feel by the darkness and silence that your not free. Now you realize that the world you use to live in was dark based off the harm and pain you inflicted on those you love and others. Its dawned on you that your never getting out or it seems to be that way. Because where your at you see nothing; then a door appears. It seems to be locked from the outside and you can tell because the light that shines through the cracks of the door. You seem to have no happiness because everyone outside that door is unfamiliar to you. It's even likely that they are constantly criticizing you every moment they get. Then understanding is manifested, you sit in your box chained to its walls your heart aches from lack of water (direction) in life. Your stomach is hurting intensely because you have nobody to nurture (discipline) you. Your feet is hurt and abused because of the poor choices you made in life in which you led the paths to destruction. The Soul In The Box pt (2) -After 6 yrs in darkness- Then your heart leaps for joy because help comes, you hear the locks on the outside being picked. You have no clue who and what it is, it could be someone who you hurt and they are here to repay you for the evil that you've done to them. It could be someone you had neglected but "remembered you"! with unconditional love and they came to save the only person in the whole world that mattered to them. You hear the lock drop; your heart is pounding beyond belife because you don't know how someone had found you... Then a gust of fresh air blows through the front door, due to the force of the air you place your head in your shoulders and you look, and theres nothing to explain this phonomonan. You can't belive it how could this be, your chains fall off; your body is so abused because of the pain, suffering, and torment you did to yourself. Some how some way you did this to yourself. As you look around, you see how dirty your residence is (your heart), you start to cry because "reality" had sat in about the person you really are. You make up your mind right then and there that your going to knowledge your "causes and effects" That took place in your past and no matter what you do and what ever it takes your never going to hurt, nor, harm or treat anyone with hate, jelosy, pain and torment most importantly violence, again. So, you step through the door you look around and your in the woods; just trees but far in the horizon you see a city on a hill but its miles and miles away and this you make your journey towards recovery. Then you wake up" The End This is how I felt when I physically harmed my son. The life of violence that had happened to me as a child, carried me into a life of fear and anxiety and depression like you've never seen it. The courage to understand and wisdom also knowledge the person that I am today speaks of my change. Reality checks are a moving foundation in my life and now a tool in my road to "recovery" and "prosperity." We all can relate to this shirt story non prisoner outside these walls or not. We have to take accountability for what we did. Because only dark situations can get you to understand how to use or fuse the light thats within you, to find your way out. Never forget; my people, you could never "alter" your life but you could understand and knowledge your causes and effects and thus you must change what you don't know nor understand the things I can't explain. Sincerely, Mr. Tre'Lanzo Sr. CSATF/State Prison
