Addendum to previous essay which was a relapse prevention plan
Terway, David J.
David J. Terway
Addendum to previous essay which was a Relapse Prevention Plan titled "How I Plan to Remain a Healthy, Productive, and Valued Member of the Community When I Parole" (a.k.a. "If I Fail to Plan, I Plan to Fail").
This writing is meant to inform my readers of several things that have transpired since the writing and submission to the A.P.W.A. of my aforementioned Relapse Prevention Plan (RPP).
As a patient in the California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation (CDCR) mental health Enhanced Outpatient Program (EOP) (voluntarily) for about three years now (and a patient in the next lower level of CDCR's mental health care system, called the Clinical Case Management - or CCCMS - level of care for eleven years prior to becoming EOP), my mental health diagnosis has changed over time as clinicians have learned more about me. At the EOP level of care, I see a mental health clinician (either a psychologist doctor or a licensed clinical social worker) every week for an hour-long one-on-one session. In addition, I attend ten-to-twelve hours of group therapy of various kinds each week. Once per month I meet with a psychiatric doctor for about a half hour to discuss the efficacy of my medications and treatment plan.
I have also been a patient at Atascadero State Hospital twice during my incarceration, once for four months (January-April 2016) and then for nine months (November-July 2017-2018). It was at Atascadero State Hospital that one clinician decided to diagnose me as having pedophilia.
David J. Terway
Addendum to R.P.P.
However, because I have been in the CDCR's mental health care system for at least ninety days this last year prior to my April 23, 2020 parole date, and because my crime conviction is for "Lewd and Lascivious Acts with a child under 14 with Force and/or Violence, I recently had to undergo four psychological evaluations: two to determine whether or not I meet the criteria to be deemed a "Sexually Violent Predator" and two to determine whether or not I meet the criteria for being deemed a "Mentally Disordered Offender" (MDO). I was found not to meet the criteria for either designation, which means that I will be released to the community on my parole date. In short, psychiatric professionals have determined that it is very unlikely that I will reoffend. They are correct. My victim is my own daughter, who, in my distorted thinking, I viewed as my possession rather than as an individual who I was to guide, whose boundaries were not mine to cross. I do not want to hurt anyone ever again, and I will not do so. I have learned so much about myself over the past fourteen-plus years, including the fact that I do not exist to experience as much pleasure as I possibly can; rather, I exist to serve God and to use the gifts He has given me to help my fellow man in any way that I can. And, although sex is very enjoyable, its ultimate end is to bring children into the world according to God's plan (not ours) as part of a loving family, which is the building block, so to speak, of society, and Jesus Christ is the King of that society.
In addition to what I have thus far disclosed, during one of the four aforementioned psychological evaluations, the forensic psychologist who was evaluating me explained to me that the previous diagnosis of pedophilia that had been applied to me was inaccurate. page 2 of 3
David J. Terway
Addendum to R.P.P.
I have no sexual interest in pre-pubescent children. I do find teen-aged females attractive, but I recognize that they are off limits, and I understand why that is the case. Unfortunately, I managed to rationalize my behavior with my daughter in my state of distorted, selfish thinking. If that isn't the work of Satan and his minions, I don't know what is. This essay isn't the venue for me to get into the details of the many pieces of the puzzle that led me to make the choices that hurt my daughter, myself, all of our loved ones, and society as a whole. And yes, they were my choices and I accept responsibility for them.
So, I am not writing this addendum to try to make myself look better, because words cannot accomplish that. I must live the rest of my life with having made those choices, and my victim and her loved ones will forever be impacted by my selfish acts. Rather, I write this because I, too, find pedophilia abhorrent. Although my crime is also abhorrent, I do not want to be mis-labeled. I cannot change nor undo the past, but I can expend my energy and my life in an ethical and virtuous manner moving forward. I'm a human being, a wiser one than I was almost fifteen years ago. Perhaps restorative justice is worth the effort. I'm willing to try it. Are you?
My relapse prevention plan is still valid and viable. This addendum just makes it a bit more accurate and shows that I'll be able to put it into practice without hospitalization. I am a danger to no one. I'm not the fool I was. I am proud of my daughter for standing up for herself. Now I must step up to the plate as a free man, and work to help other dads not make the same choices. That's the ultimate goal of my submissions to the A.P.W.A.
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