Choosing to love
Betrayal and wounds. I was the one who betrayed and caused wounds. Not an easy thing to live with. How do you rebuild, recreate, begin again once you have caused so much destruction? is it even possible to repair broken relationships? I say yes, God says yes. I say yes because God said yes to me. I gave my nothingness to God who took it and made something. I hurt those closest to me. I betrayed them in the worst way possible. Yet God has brought us back together. My family has shown love to me by extending grace, forgiveness and mercy. They could have chosen to deny me. Instead they have chosen to love me. Love is the way God says He is love and we love Him because He first loved us, and also says that love covers a multitude of sins. Love is the reason my family chose to love me. Love is both a noun and a verb. Love can be seen and heard. Love has many forms and you will know by it's characteristics. It is patient, kind, not jealous, does not brag, isn't arrogant, does not act unbecomingly, does not seek its own, isn't provoked, does not count a wrong suffer, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, it does rejoice with truth, it does bear all things, and it does endure all things. Love never fails and love will live forever. My family had a choice to fail me or not to. Yet there is a side of my family whom have chosen to deny me, to fail me, and not to love me. They hold onto the betrayal and their wounds. I have sought to make amends with them and have been ignored. No amount of love from those who do love me can fill the void from those who don't love me. Only God can fill every void in my life. What I do for myself is love those who hate me. I am trying to be patient and kind, be everything that love is, bearing it, believing it, enduring it and hoping it. This is a time of healing and testing. Just like a diamond is made by pressure and gold by fire, so I am being made by all things I'm confronted with. Becoming love takes time and willingness. Just like car racing, you keep going and sometimes pull into pit road for a refresher. Love is not automatic nor is it convenient. Love is standard and inconvenient! Love can be extremely uncomfortable. It does hurt not being loved by those I want to be loved by. Feelings of unimportance start to creep in. Feelings come and feelings go. Feelings don't determine who I am. I know the truth and Truth knows me. Knowing Truth and knowing the truth of who I am helps me to throw those feelings of unimportance out and stand on Truth. It helps me to extend love, grace, mercy and forgiveness. I forgive those whom don't love me for holding onto the betrayal and their wounds. There is always hope, always love. I choose to love in spite of the pain, the hurt, the silence and the hate. Love overcomes evil. Choose to love always. The most difficult thing in life is loving those who don't love you, yet it is one of the greatest things in life you will ever do. What benefit is it to love those who love me? Is it not more beneficial to me to love those who hate me and despitfully use me? I choose to love!
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