Chronicles of April: Who am I fighting for here

Chronicles of April (Who Am I Fighting for Here) Sometimes you have to stand your ground on what you really believe in. Everybody knows that, but the tricky part is that many times, the beliefs you have, and think many others will believe in, is not what many will actually stand up for, even if it's right to do. Sometimes there are causes that affect everyone, as some here in prison. The problem is that so many guys here talk about doing stuff, but when it comes to action, they run under the table, afraid of retaliation by the prison. A hundred guys complain about a situation, but when it requires action, only one or two actually step forward, to make a stand. And because the other 98 or 99 were too cowardly to stand up for what they believe in, it leaves those one or two guys isolated, to take the bullet by the prison in retaliation (of which is illegal). Even, sad to say, Christians do it. Thus my entry on April 22nd, 2017. If you haven't read my journals on how USP Tucson put me in the SHU (Special Housing Unit) as punishment for talking about prison violations, see if you can find it. I was put in the isolation cells for 40 days based on false allegations by a SIS officer and staff member, to prevent me from coming back to the prison library to type out prison violations. What they did was very illegal... but I've written on that; let's get to the journal. As I always do, I will "pause" to color in any information that you might need to know. Let's begin; April 22nd, 2017: 9:48am on a Saturday morning: I went to the library and finished my essay, "Using Psalms 41 in trials. I'm making master copies of my works, since I can't... or rather, won't use the NEO. I'm radioactive after what I typed last month. So now I'm using the typewriter here, which is way more expensive-- sigh. (Pause: Several things here. I'm always typing, or writing, and the essay I mentioned is one of many have; well over 150. I try to write inspirational, Christian-themed essays and journals, to show people that there is hope in the prisons; I believe that with all my heart, if you've read a lot of my journals on the blogs, or through my mailings, you see a consistent theme of my faith. I also mentioned the "NEO". Here at USP Tucson, and many prisons, they allow use of a word processor as well as a typewriter. The NEOS are way more convenient, because all you need is paper. Using the typewriter is very expensive, because one cartridge of ribbon and the case of 3 correction tapes cost just over $20... plus paper and a copy card will run you about $25. Most guys simply can't afford that... like me. But the problem with the NEO is that staff gets to look at your work, and based on their prejudices, can confiscate it... which violated a lot of case laws. For that reason, I wrote up a staff member here, with an essay titled, "Is Farinsky Breaking The Law" by using case laws on what she was doing. She retaliated by making up false allegations that got me put in the SHU for 40 days on her accusation. Again, that is another story, but because of that, I was "on the radar" for what I wrote on the NEO, so I had to move to use the typewriter, which is expensive to use. I can't (at this time) afford to buy a $12 ribbon for as much as I like to type, so the support I get from the outside becomes more valuable. Anyway, let's continue...) I talked to Roosevelt on the way back, and to be honest, I wasn't encouraged, but rather discouraged. Gosh, I took a bullet for everybody, and the Christians I need to be on my side are cowarding behind the "sword of the enemy". How, as I listen to a Christian song, "We Are More Than Conquerers" with the lyrics: "...God if you are for us, who can be against us..." How can Christians think that this situation was an advantage to the enemy? Good Lord, Farinsky lied on me! Kelly bore false witness and put me in the SHU! What part of this unrighteousness did Roosevelt miss? (Pause: Guys, I gotta tell you, I really felt down after talking to Roosevelt. He's a good guy, a Christian man and prays often. I've known him for about 4 years. But here, I was disappointed in how he was looking at the situation. I was fighting for our First Amendment rights, which staff here was clearly violating, and I went to the SHU for it. But instead of getting encouragement, I'm getting the defeatist attitude, by of all people, a Christian, knowing that we're going to get persecuted when we try to do something to help everyone else. It's frustrating when you look for some support, but getting none. I was disappointed in what Roosevelt was saying to me, as if maybe I was wrong in what I was doing. So then, what is the right thing to do? Anyway, let's finish this journal...) He's talking about being careful, that maybe I need to "lay low" and pray to God... what is he missing? Roosevelt seems to think that maybe I'm wrong for "causing troubles" when what we need to do is pray. To be sure, we all need to pray, but God also requires us to take action, to do something. I'm going to have to meditate on this; are Christians lions or scalded dogs? I'm starting to wonder. 10:03am (Pause: I question sometimes the zeal of Christians; at times we can be quite determined to stand for a cause, but often times we are like cowards, afraid to stand for what is right. The cheap way about it is to simply throw hands up and say, "let God handle it". And in truth, that is indeed what we must trust God to do. But God also requires some form of action. You still have a fight, if not just the spiritual, certainly carnal at times. You can't expect things to change just because you prayed to God. Yes, He will answer, but what if the answer to the prayer is your actions? I felt Roosevelt was taking a very passive approach to the problem, which involves the First Amendment, to which I was disappointed in. Anyway, that's all for now, until next time...