Transcript
Death of a Man Kyle Hedquist I have often contemplated my death, as a Death Dealer I am well acquainted with death, the process, the struggle to breath, the body’s rejection of itself through cancer and the poison that courses through the veins of IV drug users battling Hep C infection. I have spent hours sitting and listening to stories, confessions, hopes and dreams, of broken promises, missed birthdays, and angry ex-wives. I struggle with my own purpose, what role do I play in death’s cruel game? Many of the men I meet in the infirmary have caused harm, committed crimes and led self-centered lifestyles, I don’t always understand but I sit and listen nonetheless. What can I learn from these dying men? I write their stories not to share the good, bad, and ugly, not to glorify their reckless lifestyle but to understand what their deaths reveal about myself. I have not always thought of myself as a good person, I didn’t know what I could ever offer society, sure I was smart in school, made friends easily, and laughed a lot but I wasn’t comfortable with who I was. It would take dying men to reveal my true nature and give me a sense of purpose behind penitentiary walls. I struggled with the idea of life being “fair” first of all life’s not fair there is no equal playing field, there’s not even a finish line, you just live your life until you don’t. Neither life nor death care what you do, I am born I live then I die. So what is the point, why do we worry and fret each day? Good question. If I can invest myself into those within my community then I am more than just myself. I am only one man and I can only do so fl much with my life but together we can do so much more! This may sound like some utopia dream, but think about how investing in your children has affected their lives, now what if that same investment was spread out over the entire community? How can living your life for the betterment of others be found behind prison walls? Each and every death brings new opportunity for life behind the walls of the Oregon State Penitentiary.
