Transcript
1 First of all, I want to tell you that Prison is not a game. You might believe you are tough and you never will be here. But let me tell you, that thats not true. Prison is for everybody. My name, let me say Ayala an ex member of a gang Tears Jhaa!! that something no body want to talk about. But everybody inside here in Prison In ther heart want to scream, because your soul wants to burn. The sky is an imagination of freedom and the only people who are here are your Family (if you have someone) because sometime even your girl leaves you. Your friends disappear and God is the only here to Protect you. In Prison the game is not like in the street here you cant Run, when you least expect it, your homeboy betray you. In Prison the name of the game is to survive, not to be the strongest man with a six Pack and all that with a Big Mouth, to survive you need a strong Mind, to Face Prison and the situation From the streets (Family, Friends, Business) here you have junkers every where, differents groups and gangs you cant trust even in your own People Because they are the first ones to put you in the Fire to Burn your Life. When I came here I was lost 2 I saw all these different people, gangs, groups. People with life in Prison, when I said life is Because they are never gonna Make it outside even if is only 35 years, Because that people not all but most of them Block there Mind Really when you just get here you want to look tough, and you dont care about the people with life, but that people know how to eat your Mind up to put you in the work of the Prison. (if you stay away from god the only thing will come, will be Problems) Racism is every where, drugs, Porn, alcohol, and all that you can have. But you gonna kill your self slowly. And if you start being in a gang will be worst. I did a Mistake that's the reason Im here. Because I never listen my grandma, My Mom and My father die when I was 3 and 4 years old. I grow up Rebel with all this pain in my heart. Being in Prison Make me think in my Past. But I cant have Pity for my self. I stand up to fight. Because I was Born to shine, I have been a couple of years in Prison, this is my second time And Im tired to have the Police Ruling my life, this and that, the Phone calls 3 the Food, the cloth all that and more But I have learned that's the way to learn and I did do things wrong It's my fault no body said for me to stay in the BOP Resorts "Hell No!" I'm here because of my Bad decisions That's what put me in here When I Just come here my girlfriend left me my aunt and my grand died, months after, a got here, only God and people who been here know How much you suffer in Prison. When you lose people that you love that hurts. All of the time you have lost in here that time that you can neve get back. Every night I meditate. Revenge is a Demon if you let it be. Forgiveness is Love. But how to forget? thats the question every night I asked my self, But I'm learning the answer. With love you can forgive any one. When my Aunt died I felt Bad Because she died 3 weeks after I came here. Then my grandma too. The Blood of my veins wanted to exploide. My tears where like a Flood and the voice in the night started to talk. I Found help on God. But its hard to Believe that the time past so Fast 4 I have 8 nephews and 8 nieces and they are growing Fast. 3 of them are super close with me and they miss me. I talk to them because I want the Best for all of them and my other nephews and nieces too. I do a error at my 24, in Xanax when I woke up in the Police station. I was so Mad, one cop talked to me and I didn't Believe where I was. He talked to me about God He said that he have a message From god to give it to me. Something that sounded crazy is that before everything, I talked to god and I said, "God if I came to prison again it was Because you wanted me be there to find you" But Been in here, and the time going Fast I forgot the message. I fought to many times I done with the gang, a lot of my homies Beat me up one time, Realy to many Problems but God wanted me Alive. I been in to many Prison and Right now Im in Illinois. All the time I fucked my time. I have never Been one year in one Prison. Problems and More Problems. All these years when I saw a correctional officer I saw them like an enemy. I saw some people in Bad ways Because they where not from my gang. 5 untill the day I quite. I think of my family that day, when I lost my days of a good time I thought of them. Because they are waiting for me. One day I went to the SHU "Special Housing unit' and I started searching for help to heal my heart and work in my mind. I found the love in God. I started doing programs, learning English, working out. Im in Illinois in the SMU Program for fighting with people. I waited 6 month to come here, with no television, no phone no comisary, no email nothing of nothing. But Right now Im here. They give me my phone back, 2 calls every month But that's ok Because if I do it good in a couple of months they start giving me more calls. Im been here only a couple of month. I Read a lot of Book. Im doing Programs The correctional officer treat me with respect even they try to speak in Spanish calling me Señor. That open my Mind about them, this their work, and they are Humans too with feelings. They take care of all of us. With every thing we need, every worker here in the SMU talk you something to make you Believe in your self 6 From the unit manager to the CO. Lt. Nurse Captain. Chaplain every one in here. No matter even the color, Race, Language. I go home in less than 3 years and I know I will go home with every tool for be a good citizen AMEN
