John T. Cramer
Frozen in Time
I have been away for 18 years, out of touch of society & life, all of its happiness & sadness. Highs & lows. I went to prison in 1996 and in my mind it is still 96. There was no internet, no cell phones, cars didn't park themselves. The world that we know was safe from terrorists and 9/11 was unthinkable. My child was a child, not a mother of 2 herself. Everyone is still alive and young.
In two years my freezer door will open, how do I deal with the realities that is my life as I know it, & 20 years in a blink of a eye? I don't have a answer to that question, but it haunts me to no end. The fear & uncertainty of what my future holds scares me to death. I have a huge fear that I will walk outside of the prison doors & will get run over by a bus. I know that the odds of that happening is nil, but what is out there to try to trip me up.
I had to accept the fact that I will possibly max out & walk away after 20 years with no real knowledge of all of the help available to ex-cons. Had I gotten out on parole I would have had a resourse to help lead me to hidden doors for heath core, jobs, & food & shelter, plus then some. Now to get the first step I have to go out cold, with not a clue on how to connect to them, since I don't know how to turn on a computer let alone get on line.
Its not all bad & dreary. I hope to get out & into the gas & oil industry, either in Alaska, or the lower 48. I hope to reconnect with my remaining family & friends, & say goodbye to those that have left. Those that have passed will be mourned & missed then, they aren't really gone yet. Its not real yet to me.
On March 20th 2016 my freezer door will open & out I will come. I will emerge a new man a virgin of life as we know it. I will have a crash course on what life is like now vs. what it was then. I hope to reconnect with life & to live & grow a posper in the new forgin world. I am scared, excited, & eager. The possibilities are endless.
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