Transcript
November:3rd:20l7 Greetings and Blessings to all of you who have found the time to read this.My name is Richard L.Tabler,and for the last few times that I have written to the A.P.W.A. and shared the things that I have had to go through,it has been a time that I wouldn't wish on some of my worst enemies.They say that the things that don't kill us will only make us stronger.There is something that I would like to share with all of you here and now.So,that you may better understand me and where I am coming from,you should take the time to read my other writings so that this one will make sense to you.For the last few months I have been filled with the pain and loss over the execution of my bestfriend who was closer to me than that of my own brother's.My friend's name was Tai'Chin Preyor,who was executed on July,27th,20l7 @ 9:03pm may he R.I.P. I have been taking Big Tai's death harder than most and during this time I haven't really tried to find someone or something that could help me heal and become a whole person like I was before his death.These last few months after his execution I have thought of nothing else but the fact that he left me behind to deal with these assholes both in the form of inmates and other's such as the correctional officer's who keep me here.I have thought about ending my life both by my own hand and by ending my appeals and volunteering for exHcution.It seems like everything that I do within my prison cell reminds me in some way the things that Big Tai and I did when he was alive and he and I would talk about things like family and friend's outside of these walls.Or when he and I would make taco's together and eat together by making things from the commissary that we were able to buy instead of taking the food that was given to us.Back when Tai was taken from us and his family,he introduced me to another friend of his and told both her and I to keep in touch with one another.I reached out to this other person like my Big Homie wanted me to,and I sent her the things that he asked as well,as she did also.Only she did it one time.For months now,I was unable to find someone that could understand my pain and what I was going through from the loss of my bestfriend and how his execution has effected my life and the way that I think about evgrything Page #2. of writing by: Richard L.Tabler to the A.P.W.A. in this place where i'm to live until i'm also executed and taken from this world.The one thing I failed to remember about those of you out there in society is that life for each of you continugs to move forward unlike for those of us in prison or on death row.Texas was hit with Hurricane Harvey and a lot of people had their homes flooded or lost duH to this storm,just like Hurricane Irma did to those I also love and care about in Florida.My problem wasn't so much about Big Tai's execution and that he is gone,as it was from me failing to realize that just cause he is gone from this life and world doesn't mean that I have to forget about him and everything wé did together.That cold hard truth hit me today or should I say yesterday on November,2nd,20l7,when I had my first visit with his friend who i'll call "S?To look into this young woman's eye's and see that i'm not the only one hurting or that was hurt from the death of Tai,took a little bit of the pain I was feeling from my shoulders.When she told me about some of the things that they would talk about or that Tai told her and vice versa,it made me realize that i'm not alone and that she too was hurting after his execution.Though I very much wanted to let out how I was feeling and to really just let go as some say and let the tears flow,I found that for some reason I could not.I felt my tears right there a few times,you know right there on the edge where you can feel them about to fall;but I wouldn't let them or I couldn't and I don't know why.One thing that made me feel like I was still living though was when"S" would share some personal things about her life with me and I was able to see that sparkle in her eye about the things that made her feel good about herself as a person.It takes a lot for someone wanting to live life in the here and now,and it takes real guts to do it all on your own without outside help from those who love and care about you when all they want to do is help you if you'll allow them to.I told "S"that I would be willing to take baby steps on the road to recovery and that for now I wouldn't continue to fight my lawyer's in trying to end my appeals and volunteer for execution.Nobody really wants to die,though sometimes we might talk about it and some of us may evém weflcome it as a fast way to escape the pain and heartache,but what about those we Page #3.of writing by, Richard L.Tabler to the A.P.W.A. too leave behind? It's like a catch 22 in so many Ways.Though my family and some of my lawyer's stand behind me on my wanting to volunteer for execution and leave all of this behind and the way i‘m treated,I find that something in the sparkle I saw in the eyes of "S" and the things taught to me by our friend Big Tai won't allow me to throw in the towel just yet.Please listen to the song21-800-273-8255,by,Logic/Alessia Cara/Khalid. Be sure to listen to the words and in doing so you'll have a good understanding of where i‘m at in both head and heart.Allow me to end this here,though know that I shall write again to let you know how the baby steps in healing are coming.I would like to leave you with this saying in Yoruba:"T'agba ba nde;a a ye ogun ja.“In english that means:"As one approaches an e1der's status,one ceases to indulge in battles." Respectfully: Richard L.Tabler Texas Death Row November,3rd,2017 @ 1:56am
