I begin to self analize myself as if im the bad guy and the good guy. I guess you can say Im bipolar today is ok I guess I have been having those thoughts about death again as if I havent conquered Death a few times already. life means nothing if you fear death in my eyes. How can I live and die at the same time? you may think Im crazy but no Im [SMSd?] criminally insane. The state says my habits make me unfit to live in society so I must live behind bars for the rest of my life and Im the crook right? If life is a question then is death really a period? This is supposed to go in my journal but I guess
I decided to share it with you today. I told myself I rather die than be in this place but Im still here I guess you can blame my wife cause I didnt think she needed to die with me no matter how much she begged me to. am I cruel for thinking of taking her hostage just to gain my freedom? are you getting the picture now how much I wanted my freedom? Yes I take (meds) some say Im crazy but I say they made me this way the Justice department all ways likes to point fingers but never at themselves. Who is uncle Sam? It aint no uncle of mine or maybe it is cause black folks care
3 to dig in your pocket but never shovel money or lint for that matter in. But I dont think you came to hear me say that. My mind rambles most of the time life is a unpleasant bad night mare the plot really is a tombstone and Im a dead man walking. You get to experience the inside of a dead mans head like they did Einstein to figure out he had a brain like us he just used it make better choices. I found out that some of the most smart people are really dumb but thats a opinion of a criminal right?? Im laying in my bunk counting days which doesnt make me a better counter only makes me very bitter in the process. I use to have a life which didnt amount to any
4 anything its was poverty with a capital P its never over no matter how much drugs I sold. selling drugs only made me move in the lines hood rich but still poor. But I learned being poor is a state of mind also being broke is being broke. I was homeless a few time the worst part of being homeless is being homeless with a wife and carrying a knife. I really mean that Im not just making this up. And any fool who felt I was a target to rob or pester was the next unsolved mystery. The truth should be just that because Im a guy not to accustomed on being without. I use to take what I wanted for a living but at the time of my homelessness
I just suffered. I dont know why I guess god never put it on me to do what I love doing (take) from people - I felt like Job because while I was running from my old life I had to struggle imagine that! If your tuned in to this then you will see that my life isnt to exciting. But Im here to tell you there is a plus to all this not just a bunch of minutes.
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