I have not wanted to wake up in the morning for fear that I would get sick

X, Chris



Dear Reader(s), I have not wanted to wake up in the morning for fear that I would get sick. Today was now the same as it was yesterday. A day in the Present in which I now am afraid of the Corona Virus as much as the audio hallucinations that I have battled my whole adult life. Today feels of yesterday, and of the day before. This time is scary for me also. I've wrote to speak with the vacant Psychology department. I seen the head of the Psychology department today walk pass my window today. She said she was not seeing passes on her already were [rawcted?] backlog. I attempted to appeal to her by identifying myself by saying this is "Cox", hoping that she would realize I am one of her SMI (Seriously Mentally Ill) patients. The brush off by her was so swift with Justice and autonomic I feel if she believes she is a officer and I a inmate, versus her being the Mental health supervisor and me her patient. The medication that I recieve at night helps with the night terrors. She speaks with me, well she listens as I speak mostly and is there when the conversation goes to the so normal ending of "Pishh man, forget it." This is said because I feel in that moment I am being judged, that nobody knows my story, or that I am being heard instead of listened to. I tire with excitement. I crave knowing that they know the threat is real. I question then and I answer then, because confusion is my confusing friend. Now as I sit back to the confessional both aka the vent I listen to the music of my homeboy's X-box. I wonder what he did today to pass his time, but I dare not interup him because now it is 6:30 Pm and I have not heard his voice at all today. A friend who you don't want to disturb because you know that he finds solace in realize that he is a God. 1# It feels as though I am in a Psych ward/Mental hospital rather than a tier located in Cumberland, Maryland. A Super Maximum Security! A Maximum II status I am. SMI I was diagnosed with. This tier I don't belong, bend use the number of individuals with institutional slays/slaying out weigh the initial charge of the convicted so out of this craziness my brother and I have formed the New Afrikans Blood Strand. Him being 45 and I 29. A bridge that has gave a short cut to Generation Gap Parkway. To confront unjust, or not to confront. I believe No, No, No, we believe that all lives matter. So away with long term isolation, medical abuse, retaliation, program abuse, substance abuse, indefinite segregation, and up with Freedom of Speech, Human Rights, and Civil Liberties. On ward we say to those who require why we wish to expose those who oppress us in this dangerous times. My mother, sisters, brothers and friends are at risk as are theirs. Where is the compassion in being human? The "Cipher of "fire" will not be complete" until I have been given *82* lashes to call and support the cause. Devine Embrace! Yours truly: Christopher "Chris X" Reginald Cox Jr PS I thank you APWA family for this opportunity. Without this outlet and newer organizations who have now followed in your path I would only "be". (Homage) 2#

Author: X, Chris

Author Location: Maryland

Date: May 18, 2020

Genre: Essay

Extent: 2 pages

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