I lost it all

Captain Shipwrecked

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I Lost It All This blog is about honest descussions. Well here is an honest discussion. I lost everything I ever wanted and hoped for. All because of online pornography. I became blind to what I was viewing. I played a game relying on the anonymity of the internet. Why did I do it? That's the million dollar question. On September 30, 2010, around 7:30 am, II hugged my ten year old daughter goodby as I dropped her off at her school bus stop for what became the last time. “Dad, well you pick me up later?“ she asked- “Sure thing sweet pea” I replyed. Well less than 60 minutes later that all changed. Twenty minutes after I dropped off my daughter, I arrived at my work as a captain of a private yacht on the west coast of Florida. On the way to the boat, I had talked with the owner confirming the go ahead to redo the teak deck with an area contractor, a $20,000 expense. I arrived on the boat at the city marina, and went on board. It wasn't long before I had the 'fishing' urge and fi[ fired Ln) my lap top computer. The docks were busy. This was a Thursday and boats were moving around preparing for a small boat show to be held over the weekendm.As my computer was booting up, I went out on the docks with 23 cup of coffee, talkflng to my friends moving boats around. Fifteen minutes later I was back on board. From the portholes in my cabin, I noticed a boat pulling into the slip next to me. It was an open center counsel boat with about seven men and women on board. They looked a little out of place so I went back up to the salon. When I got to the salon, one of the men came aboard without permission, which was very strange. I opened the sliding door to the back deck and he held out a badge, "FBI, do you know why I am here?” I became numb and weak in the legs. My good life, wife, children, job, home and mostly my respect, tossed away because of my own stupidity. I was mostly attracted to the young women of the Eastern European sites where the girls spoke broken english- I only know this from little snippets of video somehow found online. For me, viewing these ‘forbidden’ bits of video clips, gave me a ‘high’ and then I was off to the races looking for more. worming" my way around. the net. Role playing <despicable characters online, looking and cheating to get the next bit of the video. I was a commercial fisherman fishing the Gulf of Mexico before I changed over to captaining private yachts. Fishing gave me a rush, every time you pulled your gear you never know what you were going to catch. I found a similar thrill going online. Searching out and catching video clips or pictures that are ‘off limits‘. A thrill in doing something I'm not suppose to do. Being an ‘out law’ not really thinking I was harming anyone. And I became a collector, no, more of a hoarder of smut. I had worked the water all my life. I was very good at what I do. I traveled through.<mit the Caribbean and.j[ had many opportunities to make ‘very good‘ money transporting items. Yet i[ turned all that down. i[ was reasonable, logical, and I didn't want to jepardize my family. No amount of money was worth going to prison. But! Yes a big but. i[ am now serving a 210 month prison sentence in Loretto, PA. A medimum / low Federal Correction Institution. I am not alone here. The Inake Ln) according" to inmates <gossip is, forty percent of the inmates are 'snitchs'. Others are here for ‘protection’ and thirty five percent are because they are 'chomo's'. Prison talk. Chomo's are child. molesters. Being" labeled. as chomo's by drug pushers, and habitual criminals hurt. Especially since I have never ever in my life ever considered harming any children. I was only charged with viewing / possession and they made me plea to distribution, although I never 'distributed' child pornography. Like many here with sex offenses, the computer played. the primary role in ‘us’ being here. Online chats of unvsavorory topics catch the eyes of law enforcement. And. once their eyes get ahold. of your" online persona, law" enforcement has NO IDOUBTS that what you. say is your true, absolute intentions. There is IK) innocent until proven guilty. That is a mith. Most important, any crime with “CHILD” included in the definition puts the defendant in the worst possible situation. in the American. Judicial System. The natural PREJUDICE against you is like falling into a deep well with greased sides. Almost impossible to climb out of..Prosecutors make your online activities sound like you are the worst monster that they have ever seen. I know. I learned the hard and painful way. Many articles are coming to light about online addictions. Whether it is a 'chat' aidictions or a pornography addiction. All addictions blind your common sense. All addictions lead to self destruction. Online pornography is so extremely dangerous because whens it leads to. You become blind. Most likely these young women are not willing participants to what you see. We all need to think about what we are looking at, and the pain that we don't see behind the pictures. So listen to a dry docked boat captain, seek addiction counseling if you find yourself looking forward to ‘logging on‘. Maybe 'Google' online pornography addiction for more information. I now wish I had. I don't want to see another happily married man here because he did what I did. ) .~ .—.. , ‘c iccuyq £6171-€15, H-4U’ Sim I/J LL/;:g_,gg_”/Q

Author: Captain Shipwrecked

Author Location: Pennsylvania

Date: October 25, 2016

Genre: Essay

Extent: 3 pages

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