Transcript
Le Chateau Geole Idaho's Premier Retirement Center By Mark T. Wayne Le Chateau Geole is an exclusive gated community with a lengthy application process. First, one must be deemed worthy by a twelve member panel in which all must be in accord. After passing the scrutiny of the panel, a single official then decides both minimum and maximum length of your permitted stay. The community itself is of a communal style, guarded from the outside world by a double wall of chain-link fencing topped by beautiful spans of spooling and glistening razor wire with a dog run in between. Besides this nearly impenetrable defense system, there are several towers, one in the community's center and several around the perimeter, all with armed men to further insure security (an utmost priority of Le Chateau Geole). The population, about 1,450 spread throughout ten separate housing units, is restricted to male occupants only, though a large portion believe they are of the opposite gender; in such cases, Le Chateau Geole provides estrogen and other female hormonal substances. Le Chateau Geole does not discriminate against ethnic or religious backgrounds, and other than a minimum of eighteen, there are no age limits to becoming a member, though the twelve man panel and the single ofcial both seem to favor the young and under privileged over the wealthy. There is however, an ever increasing number in the aging population and it seems more and more are provided the enjoyment of drawing their last breaths within the comforts of the on campus hospital. The housing itself varies. All but two of the ten housing units feature separate, but spacious two man living quarters about the size of a bathroom (metal bunk beds of course). The other two units, the medical annex and a unit graciously named fourteen-house, feature a luxurious open dorm setting. Five of the eight units featuring the spacious two man rooms are furnished with a half bath inside the room (a toilet and sink, metal of course), the other three are featured with communal toiletries; all are furnished with communal showers. Each unit has a communal dayroom, except for the one unit that serves as the community's jail (it seems some members just cannot conform to the rigors of the stringent community rules and regulations). Dayrooms are furnished with several tables (again, metal), two televisions; though one is used as a listing of the day's events and activities (two of the units do have two viewing TV's, and at least three units feature benches for TV viewing pleasure, all metal of course). Units are also equipped with two industrial microwaves (the only type of cooking permitted within the units themselves), four phones, and one communal computer for your browsing and shopping enjoyment (two of the units do have six phones and three computers). There is one communal cafeteria, Le Pen-Dine, for your dining enjoyment. Le Pen-Dine is equipped with two separate sides serving the exact same, over processed, daily special (half of the community is assigned to each side). Le Pen-Dine features an atmosphere, as well as seating arrangements and meals equaling that of a crowded inner city grade school in a bad neighborhood. The community also features a well-equipped gymnasium (standards equaling or surpassing that of a high school in that same bad neighborhood) and a large outside yard which allows half of the members to visit at a time. Le Chateau Geole also provides an education center (school) for those seeking to further their education up to a twelfth grade equivalency and/or learn cognitive skills that no one seems to fully understand, including the instructors. Members are allowed to use computers inside the school, with the exception of legal work and anything online (after all, Le Chateau Geole cannot afford to allow members to file class action law suits against their organization). And of course, Le Chateau Geole is equipped with an on-site hospital and several ambulances resembling golf carts at inexpensive rates, but it is best to remember the old pun, you get what you pay for. The overall feel of the facility is a mixture melancholy and anger; of course there is a multitude of other emotions considering the number of members with mental health issues. A common proverb among members is, if you came in without PTSD, you more than likely will leave with it. If you are interested in joining this fine community, applications are available in the form of drug possession, drunk driving, and numerous other crimes.
