On nights like this

On nights like this On nights like this: I cant sleep cause my mind wont relax and I shake my foot like a newborn in a crib. I had a life once but now thats gone so on nights like this, I shake my foot and swim through all my past screw ups. I cant make believe I was all innocent cause I know I wasnt but not that I deserve all this either Im sitting in my bunk trying to discover who this person is that they placed a case on me about its crazy cause all I see are faces and I cant remember any names Im not all that bad of a person but I made a lot of stupid choices when I felt I ran the world. I cant say that I still dont think that way cause I do. But now I know better I guess, I say I guess cause deep down my life has to have meaning or we are all just hear for no reason right? So many different faces and different subject but Im still at square one but on nights like this this is how I do before I go to sleep. I miss my boys but I think I will never get to be around them without a lot of drama but nobody will keep me from my kids they will have to kill me or I kill them thats my family and Im the head of it the leader even if I aint the best leader. My nightmare are never ever being around them again and I think they better build a wall bigger then in Germany before the fall if they want that to happen. No really Im serious!! But on nights like this this is my everyday mind processes, arent you lucky to experience it. 1 Today I drift off as if I never drifted on I dont know what that meant, but it was in my head so I wrote it down I think my brain wants to be poetic but I cant find time to rhymi. I cant be better because my best is when Im in places like this and I hate it. They call it institutionalized its when you have been doing the same thing so long that you make a habit of it no matter if its a good habit or bad habit its just what happen. Like wearing shoes in the shower. I cant remeber that last time I took a bath and yes I know I didnt spell remember right up there I dont want to scratch it out or rewrite all this 2 so I will leave it a era (if that how you spell this kind of (area) ([Mbe?] I know the difference trust me. On this paper, I can be my self and express my truth. If you ask me, nobody really wants the truth they just want very good lies. That sound like the truth. I mean look at it like this truths hurt more than lies right? Yes so why hear them if your gonna hurt thats like slapping your self in the face over and over again expecting it not to hurt. Pain is always gonna be pain. I should be asleep but I cant so I wont try untill I cant stay awake right?? Its how gravity work what goes up must come down right?? Its a loaded question because I know the answer.