Transcript
Opportunities MCSP CA As a prisoner I often find myself in need of opportunities to maintain myself happy, high-functioning, and associated with my mind. If opportunities dont arrise I find myself unhappy, troubled, and dissociated. I yearn for family and friends to write me but I find I’m out of sight out of mind. I am 24 years old and I know I am not the best me I can be. I am not only fighting a severe mind-based illness I am fighting it in a small toxic envioment that make it progress quicker that it usually would. Reading become impossible to comprehend, muscles lose the ability to be felt, rest becomes unrestful, and days become repetitive. I live in a prison physically in mentally I am oppressed by demons and the law. The best thing I can do is write yet I lose stimulant topics every time. I crave certain personal interests usually to remedy my personal maladies. Topics in this area include demonic possession, the Bible, aliens, hallucinations, schizophrenia, hallucinations, visions, conciousness studies, philosophy, logic/ethics/analysis, law, and language arts, and psychology. I feel like my interests alienate me from normal satisfaction with life. I feel like my hopes I have constructed all my life are making my heart sick with displeasure. I need new desires to fulfill to make my soul full of life again. I am set to receive a new subscription of Psychology Today so I’ll probably write what I get from that. I dont know what kind of expiriences I have to send to APWA so I send them essays I would like to review later. It’s a big help since correctional officers often force you to throw away loose papers at random times during the year. I have yet to build trust in this place. Everything about prison is undignifying as it is humbling. Well at least I have time to build on my identity as much as it is destroyed by thinking and reminiscing on the great gifts I still have today. —ET 03/12/20
