Transcript
Overcoming Homosexuality by Johnny Brown Journal Refection Tuesday 4/30/13: Father God thank you for giving me life this day. Thank you for this beautiful morning. Father God I have fallen so far from you. I am so puffed up and full of all the wrong things. With me it’s the same struggles time and time again. I am still giving into the temptations in my mind. I come here to write what I know is hard for me to say to other people. I keep looking at my circumstances instead of your grace. I am wretched, disobedient, prideful, and selfish. How can you use me? I still refuse to wait on you, I hate being in this place, yet I am here because of my sinful ways. If I was still out there in the world and not in prison I know I would be worse off. I would still be getting high and drunk, and sleeping with all kinds of women. I am very blessed, yet and still like so many others I take my blessings for granted. I wanted to do better and do great things, but I believe there lies my problem. The “I Syndrome” is so evident in my life. Look at all the bridges I have burned. Nobody writes me. I cannot call anybody. I cannot see my children. I am in exile. My baby sister, Tot, does write to me, not as much as she used to, but she has her own life. My once upon a time friends have written me off. We have a saying in prison, “out of sight, out of mind.” I do not want to be bitter towards anybody but it sounds like I am. Please forgive me Father God for my complaining and venting. I just do not know what is going on? My faith is weak. Its not as strong as it should be I am not praying or studying as I should be. But I still expect you to bless me. That is selfish. I need to grow up and get real with myself and stop fooling myself. I am no better than the scribes, Pharisees, or the gangmembers, drug users, or homosexuals in this place. I have been watching ESPN and that all have been talking about Jason Collins, who came out and said he is gay. Jason Collins is the first male athlete in a major sport to announce he is gay. I listened to one of the reporter’s say yesterday, “what about the Christians who do not agree or like gay’s?” Homosexuality is an abomination to God. The world is trying to make this acceptable. And this reporter was totally wrong because there are plenty of Christians who like gay’s, but we do not condone their lifestyle or anything that is against God. Even Bill Clinton and Michelle Obama said, “we will stand by you.” They can stand by him now but they will not be able to stand by him when he stands before the judgement seat of Jesus Christ. I wonder will they stand by him when he is condemned to hell for all eternity? Its always easier to stand up for the wrong things. I am not condemning Jason Collins or any other gay, lesbian, or transgender because as long as God gives him breath to wake up then he has an opportunity to get right with him. I too have dealt with homosexuality. Not since I have been in prison though. I have been delivered from this evil spirit once. I gave my life to Jesus Christ. But even after I was saved I still had homosexual thoughts in my mind and even masturbated off of them. When I was out in the streets my first encounter with homosexuality was when I was 15 years old. I had an openly gay guy named Richard perform oral sex on me and it continued. I have never performed oral sex or had sexual intercourse with a gay man or transgender, but I had them perform oral sex on me from the age 15 to my mid twenties. So I connot judge Jason. I am in prison and here at Columbus Correctional homosexuality is very big. The administration here supports homosexuality activity. Every summer they bring in homosexuals- its their way of controlling the inmates and keeping tensions down. This facility has earned the nick name of Sodom and Gomorrah. But thanks be to God that I am no longer bound by this spirit or I would be partaking in the homosexual activities that take place every day here at Columbus Correctional. Its people who are going to read these words that I have written and say, “I never know that about Johnny.” I am living proof that God does deliver. If God can deliver me then He can deliver anyone from homosexuality. Father God I pray for Jason Collins and every gay, lesbian and transgender in this world. I pray Father God that you open their eyes before it is too late. This is a very powerful and evil spirit. But glory be to the one and only living God who gave us His Son, so we do not have to be bound to these spirits. If we have the Holy Spirit, which is the Spirit of Jesus Christ, then we can overcome anything. Jesus promised us in John 16:33, “These things I have spoken unto you will have tribulation but be of good cheer I have overcome the world.” If we have Jesus living inside of us then we can over come anything in this world even homosexuality. To any gay, lesbian, or transgender who may end up reading these words one day I want you to know that I sympathize with you because I used to be you. I do not hate you. I understand you and I love you. But just know that God loves you more and Jesus Christ, His only Son, died on the cross for your sins. He died so that you could live and be set free. Just because something feels right and seems right and people say that it is right, does not make it right. I will face persecution for writing these words. And its not my intentions to offend anyone, but somebody has to say its wrong. I do not agree with this life style eventhough I once was a partaker of this lifestyle. Once I came to know Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior of my life I know I was living in sin. I challenge all gay’s, lesbians, and transgenders throughout this world to seek God and the truth concerning what His word says about homosexuality. Some people like to say, “yeah God said it was an abomination, but that was thousands of years ago.” God is the same God today, yesterday, and forever. God is immutable. He never changes. What He said thousands of years ago still holds true for us today. Does that mean that a Christian cannot be friends with an openly gay male or female? No. I know about rejection because I am serving a 19 year and two month sentence for statutory rape against my niece. If God did not reject me after all the evil things that I have done in His sight, who am I to reject anybody? I still have flaws. I still make mistakes. I still have struggles when it comes to lusting after women. But God is the Strength of my life. And He promised that he will never leave or forsake me. Father God You know more about gays, lesbians and transgenders than I can ever hope to know. You created them in Your image, after Your likeness. You’re the reason why they are alone today. Father God please touch their hearts to see You and why You condemn this act. Father God please show them that You love them. And lead them to Your truth. In the Mighty Name of Jesus I pray. Amen….
