Penitentiary grounds

Benefield, Kevin M., Sr.

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Penitentiary Grounds IN my lifetime I started coming to jail at an older age, not like some of the people here in CT, that talk about Manson and I never been there at that age. I noticed at an older age, that I didn't start coming to jail until I got involved in drugs ,then I did not realize it, but now older and wiser I noticed it. As for who introduced me to some of the drugs which my friends & I did not do when I was growing up. Person places, & things plays a lot and that's something I learned through attending N.A & A.A.. Here it is 2019, and I'm still going to school but I saw on the news this lady received her High school diploma at the age of 111 and she was the oldest person in Connecticut to get it. While a person is locked up they start thinking of all of the positive things they want to do but when they get out they get side tracked or influenced by negativity or negative people. I got a lot of things I could relate to with my life experience, but when I was going to school for computer service technician, kept me in a positive state hanging with positive people and doing positive things, I wondered what I would've been doing if I would've gotten my Certificate ,which directions I would've went. That school was only at in it for our loan money, One morning we was coming to school and noticed the school burning up, and one of the students pointed at the director, and said, he did it right there, and every ,one looked at him with an hateful look, because he looked like that type. I say Incarceration / correction is suppose to correct you, but you have to correct, your, self and do as I do, As I got here, I started going to N.A. & A.A. where that's some of the things I should have been doing out there, If I would have none that it was the drugs that kept me coming to jail. I guess Incarceration is what you make it correction is what you make of it positive or negative. I try using it as a stepping stone, and I go to school, N.A., A.A., ,all these other certificates that I received in the 9 >2 Years that I've been down, and I enjoy looking at them on my down days. A lot of people look at me and think with the amount of time I got, and they wonder why I'm so happy. I put a lot of things in Gods hand, so that's why I could come out of my cell with a smile on my face, one kid told me when I got to A-block for the first two weeks, I came out with a pizzas every day with an happy face. Doing what I do in here got my niece & I to open a Muslim pizza shop/store, and that started from me doing pizzas in here, C.O.'s said my pizza make Dominoes look bad with the appearance. I feed off the complements I get means a lot. I'm getting my mind set to start the extended studies course that I'm doing after I get my G.E.D., so you never get toO old to learn and try other things. Here it is 2019 and I only seen my first Grandson and now my Daughter has 4 boys and I only seen the first, that I last counted. I'm enjoying doing a lot of things in here and they look at that, tells a lot about you. I got a few more programs to do and then I'll be ready for an level 3 and I don't go to one until 2025 so I'll just stay busy until then doing ever y positive thing I can get my hands on. The only thing that gets me is why they don't put two people who go to school in the same cell, so at least at least the two of you are on the same page, and I'm taking my G.E.D., so I will be in and out of books and my cell mate is a sleeper. I have no problem with that, I'm not in a n nursing home falling to sleep after every meal is an good thing to avoid being up you wake up , your still here, you do no programs to try an stretch your time out and you can't sleep your bid away. Every person does their time different and I stay in my lane and I expect the next person to stay in their lane. It's like the more things I do in the day, at night after the 10 o'clock news I'm tired and go to sleep to get ready for the next day and that's what it's about in here, I don't study the outer world as some do, every time they call there girl they ask her what you doing?, she could be trying to pleasure herself or some thing. When things get out of character, I usually meditate or put some soothing music, to relax my mind and keep it on a positive level. My cell mate and I go through it some days and some days were just talking as if we know each other but we was cell mates for an year. I would like for good things to come out of this Incarceration. While being Incarcerated going through every day you have to deal with a lot of emotions and in my nine years ,1 done the worst of the worst. Here in E-Block, where I've been for 5 plus out of my 10 years. A brother I only known as slick one day told me to call him Chauncey for now on and I asked him did Chauncey sell slick out or did slick sells Chauncey out ?, he never answered me to this day. I could go on and on about this place but you got to put a lot of things into GODS hands. I'm gone end this on a good note before my emotions take over thinking about it. It like the more my cell mate and I bicker (to engage in petty quarrel), the closer it brings us. Yesterday, he surprised me by hooking my T.V. to where I could get Digital stations. Then a person who has a lot of time has to expect to go to SEG one time or another. Your emotions play on you to. With the Chauncey guy above, I guess he wanted to change and he started by wanting to being called by his government name, and he's also a role Inmate who never gets in trouble, cleaning up blood spills, working, ETC. On the other hand, I got into trouble for going to Medical on my own to give them my empty bottle of pain killers for a new one, and for being out of place I got 7 days SEG time, now I got to pick up where I left off. O'H WELL. Life goes on in this place, from the moment you wake up you see things that to you seem strange but to the person who's doing it may think different. There's so much gossip going on in here and every one think they know it all, and I take constructive criticism any day over some ones opinion. When I was preparing for Trial, It was like I was going back to school, because you had to use your head and read a lot, and understand what you are reading. There are a lot of bookies in here, every ones is into the college games and I don't gamble at all, but they will ask me any way. The more programs you get into the more you stay out of the housing unit and it makes your time goes faster because you got things to do every day. I stay busy throughout the day so once I get back to the block I shower and watch some news and go to sleep to prepare for the next day. It's like clockwork around here, every day same old thing. 10 years of this and you will get use to this somehow. Our commissary Officer is going to be leaving us soon and he will be missed. I saw him this morning, when he dropped off our commissary. He said he would be working at this other place, and he would be coming back soon as he puts in his transfer notice. I just got a new pair of head phones, and I can't wait to listen to them, avoiding all the unwanted chatter of the next person's pain/guilt. When my cell mate and I talk of this place, it's like a place that you would call emotions and not Garner correction facility, dealing with all the emotional dudes every day becomes an headache sometimes, like a fellow who went home this morning, but for the last two weeks has been getting on my cellmates nerves, with the crying about this and that. I done got use to it long ago and that will be around more as the future comes. When we get programs here that will help a person in the long run stay out in the world longer with what he or she has learned will be educational. I take advantage of a lot of these programs that they have, because I may need or use it down the road. Some people just do their time and get back to the streets to where they left off at. You also got those who prepare for the outer circle of things. My family is from out of state, so getting visits like some of these get will have my mind out there more often. I could go on and on forever, but I'm gone stop, I don't want my emotions to get involved. When you look outside the circle and see things at an different view, I get a better scope on things, like some of the time, I try to see things at my cell partners view point.

Author: Benefield, Kevin M., Sr.

Author Location: Connecticut

Date: September 23, 2019

Genre: Essay

Extent: 3 pages

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