I've written before
Playas & Players
I'm honest, to date I still can't remember how many women I've had sex with are, or how many women I've cheated on or let alone indulged with in the same day. I'm handsome and charming, talented in music and I'm also well aware of what I'm "packin'".
I've sold drugs, made counterfeit money, rob'd innocent people. Burnt bridges with friends and family.
Replaced prayers with partying, I was raised a Jehovah witness and I've totally flip'd the script with converting to Islam. I've studied Buddhism (check spelling) and philosophy and a bunch of other subjects that all said I've arrived at my present reasoning....
I have a son & daughter whom I love. I care for deeply. Who I pray will be supremely great at whatever career they choose.
But my dreams predict resentment in the future. They'll look at me as a hypocrite when they're able to realize how much turmoil I've created in the world when my past caught up with me it'll be heartache all over again.
I think that if I die today this'll be my peak. I'll reach my maximum efforts in all wrong doing and will have left nothing of true meaning to my children. In letters I attempt to leave jewels of knowledge. I sing & rap and joke on the phone with them but what will I leave of value that they'll be able to carry into their future.
See we as males grow to be playas in the game, choosing women and quick success in trap-schemes that lead us in circles, prison --> poverty --> prison --> ghetto, we end up in prison learning lingo and new ways to do the wrong things from manipulative men, and we're released into the ghettos where our sex deprived, egotistical larger than life personalities are "at large", we chase the women and quick trills to get rich and we more than likely hit a situation where we spend all the money we've made because our schemes don't come with a paycheck or pension, we're stuck doing the same stupid freedom/life risking -ish. Which leads to poverty and a man/woman, with nothing to lose is nothing more than rabid coyote wandering among a pack of wolves. Willing to risk life & limb to eat or feast on whatever pour soul will relinquish its goods. Which is why the crime rate is so high in urban/ghettos or whatever you call the neighborhoods they've stuck all the hungry, unemployed, under educated, mentally malnourished men/women. Yeah the playas circle...
But there are players...people who play the game called life to the T... They have goals, work jobs, save, and budget their money, buy homes, pay taxes...
Funny us playas look at them as squares or losers because all the time they dedicate to their careers and retirement funds, we smoke, drink, laugh, party, f**k like pirates.
Living the life of Jack Sparrow choosing fantasy because my father who wasn't there left me among the world to mingle and conspire with the people who were also without fathers or leaders to help them, to show them the definition of a man, what greatness looks like up close.
Do you see my point...I have a son and daughter without their father, left to only be among boys & men who may or may not be able to show what the CORRECT was to live life is.
I'm not afraid to admit the future scares me. i love them, but in a world like the present where a lot of children grow not even believing in God anymore, or that school is mandatory, where sex is introduced at early ages, that smoking is cool, where the news and social media controls mass opinions, I'm afraid... but I pray for the innocent lives I've affected by throwing my life away...hmph more prison pain...
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