Product of a broken system

Product of a Broken System “Prisons are the temples where devils learn to pray. Every time we turn the key we twist the knife of fate, because every time we cage a man we close him in with hate. ” . _ .*Grego_ry David Roberts* How might I articulate the feeling of hearing an account of a man dying by cop suicide‘? Especially since I had had a conversation with that man, now dead, just about a year ago — when in the middle of that conversation his fate would be proclaimed. While discussing the Federal Bureau of Prisons and the ruthless nature of that experience we held in mutual contempt, the dead man physically recoiled when I inquired of how he would approach the idea of returning to that system. In essence, with a snarl, the statement was made with utter conviction, “I’ll never go back, I will die first, suicide by cop! I ain’t going back!” I believed him. At that moment I understood his fear and though I share that fear, my life affords me regulatory skills as to deal with such challenges. The dead man could not envision endeavoring once again the gladiator realm of the Federal Bureau of Prisons. When faced with this likelihood, this man lived up to his pronouncement. He died in a gun fight with the cops. The irony of this escapes me for reason of my being to some extent an actual bystander, as way of experience, where I can accept this individual’s resentment and relate to his plight — while not necessarily sharing in his dire commitment to forego capture and arrest. I understand the torment and very real torture of the dehumanization prevalent in the Federal System that would breed such disregard for one’s life. Yet I have chosen to combat such machinations by educating myself, as a means of educating my fellow citizens, but more importantly my brothers and sisters — that the way of the Criminal Justice System is designed and perpetuated as a punitive system of consequence and disconnection as being the actual problem. A solution oriented approach is absolutely necessary if there is any hope of addressing the ferment of society from further poisoning the well of humanity. The bitterness of the legal system only hastens the foment of an incarcerated heart, broken, separated, and negated of all civility, to be cast amidst the abandoned and betrayed who in their own suffering inflict further suffering upon themselves, as well as everyone around them. This is the reality of prison life today. I have witnessed the outrage. I feel the torment of that dead man’s statement and experience in this moment a wound I cannot touch, but feel in the sense of having been so close to this man who proclaimed as he did, his intention, and I was unable to evoke a change of heart or provide an alternative vision for him to see for his own life besides his recent fate. So near the man that forever I will carry the memory of how afflicted was this individual. Broken, yes, much to his own account, but in terms of how society failed him — I am weary of such methods that effect acts so desperate and so in discord with healing. It’s time that we as a people recognize that we are one another’s keeper, unto our fellow falls our burden as does the burden of our fellow fall upon us. Mathew Lucas Ayotte