Psychological survival

Bayles, Jason L.



Jason Lee Bayles Toledo Correctional Institution 2001 East Central Ave Toledo, Ohio 43608 "Psychological Survival" Dear Readers, Hello I'm Jason and I have been in prison since I was 19 years old. I am now 44. I do have regrets that I can never change and that I can never make right. I will always have the burden of being responsible for a robbery that ended with a life being taken. A horrible burden to bear. I do believe that this mistake does not define who I am today. Psychological survival for me has not been easy. I have faced more adversity from prison officials and inmates walking away from the lifestyle that led to my incarceration. I have spent years in prison trying to figure out what was wrong with me and fix those things. Fostering change rather than being consumed by the prison environment is seen as abnormal and not going with the flow. The majority of inmates do not embrace people that do not go with the flow. Yes, I have been on a very long journey. I have petitioned the court to be executed, I attempted to execute a cellmate by strangling him, came very close to stabbing as many prison staff as I could, thankfully the plans fell through, attempted suicide by ingesting a number of pills never telling anyone, and also came close to the idea of stabbing sell out inmates. Prison has created a slew of other psychological issues as well, but I am grateful to say that the times that I was willing to throw in the towel something inside me pulled me through my darkest moments. I now realize that I have a greater purpose to serve and not to hate, feel resentment, bitterness or self-defeat. As Fredrick D. stated "Without struggle there is no progress." Page one Jason Lee Bayles Toledo Correctional Institution 2001 East Central Ave Toledo, Ohio 43608 "Psychological survival" continued.... I learned to live by a code while in prison. This code involves advocating prisoner rights, not acknowledging prison staff that deprive prisoners, and demonstrating unity within the prison population. Unfortunately, this is not how most prisoners represent themselves. As I began to work towards turning my life around I have faced the consequences from both staff and inmates and because of this I became consumed with a whole new set of problems. This includes bitterness and hatred coupled with the psychological warfare that the prison officials use as tactics. I kept moving forward through my drug and alcohol addiction (I have been sober for 17 years now) And seeking help through the prisons mental health departments and have faced these people like I am being interrogated, the common outlook from staff is that prisoners are liars and manipulators. It's very difficult to find any staff member who actually wants to aid in a prisoner's rehabilitation. These things wear a person down and promotes negativity rather that the will to change. I have always felt the weight of my own guilt for the wrong things that I did in life that kept some form of hope alive that one day I would return to society and truly be able to live life, a life that I had never seen before through my eyes because I was that troubled. If it weren't for me coming to prison, I believe that I may have never realized the demise I was trapped in. I never knew the beauty of the world or that I was born with. I understand now that we as human beings are meant to serve a purpose. Page two Jason Lee Bayles Toledo Correctional Institution 2001 East Central Ave. Toledo Ohio 43608 Psychological survival continued... Based on my observation I believe that prisoners survive psychologically by getting lost in things that help them forget a sense of reality. These things are positive or negative. Some choose suicide. Growing up in a harsh prison environment, I witnessed staff severely beating prisoners with pr-24s (night sticks) to the point of a bloody pulp and unconsciousness, I also know of instances that staff have murdered prisoners and make them appear as suicides. Two cases involve prisoners only having nine months and the other only having sixty days to be released from prison. No investigations are not done for suicides in that prison as the local law enforcement is in cahoots with some of the staff. The common outlook from the prison officials is that they are all upstanding citizens and the incarcerated are the lowest form of humanity. This is not true, as there are a lot of prison staff that are just as, if not more, dysfunctional as the incarcerated. I hope that the content that I have shared will help you to understand what a person goes through in prison, as least the prisons that I have been to. One of these same prisons some of the staff have raped their own female coworkers inside the catwalks, employee restrooms, and inside the block booths. We (prisoners) could hear these women screaming or running out of the booth refusing to go back in with that employee and female staff telling another employee what happened to them. It was rare that any staff would report these things as they were in fear in the workplace environment. It may sound ridiculous but it happened. Page three Jason Lee Bayles Toledo Correctional Institution 2001 East Central Ave. Toledo, Ohio 43608 In closing I want to thank you for your time and attention. I hope to contribute to change within the prison environment and to serve some type purpose in or out of prison. Please contact me if you are willing to become involved in this contribution for change. There are rarely no consequences with these prison officials. Best wishes, Jason Lee Bayles

Author: Bayles, Jason L.

Author Location: Ohio

Date: January 18, 2020

Genre: Essay

Extent: 4 pages

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