Eric Church "Monster's"
January 19th 2020
Re: Real Life, Real news
0430 hrs. I've been awake for about 20 minutes. I did wake up early only because yesterday I didnt take a nap, although it was the Sabbath on the seventh day which was Saturday I did some singing I did my push-up's and a few curl's with my mattress but first I studied the word and keep bussy. I was burnt out from the night before since I wrote 20 pages I have been telling my saga since late 2017. instead of in book form, I do daily epistles to the family, friend's and for Archive's to keep a record of not just my feeling's thought's, action's, drama's to trauma's but to be formost truthful and to give account of the false and fraudulent defication of my charatare that seem's to mount against me in this house of madmen and I'm not just refering to some that are mentally ill, but call it what you wish, the stigma placed on you from (MH) Mental Health, is once always if you were placed into this program and labled a Mental Health patient you will always be blamed for being ill! although a Doctor can certify your
2 illness. It had no relevance to your current situation therefore you can be punished to the maximum to which is allowable by the rules for which you are or were accused of even knowing that you suffer from a thought process disorder diagnosis there is never any second or 3rd opinion and it is almost 100% of the time not in your best interest it is my own experence and very well documented. That any explanation I have ever offered into my own illness with insight for which I've explained over an over again many times yet my word has alway's been void or most yet if I remain silent, and stop any action on my behave to advocate for myself boy do people come running to offer assistance, you have to remember though until I took this course of action no one would hear a word I'd said or I was hurting their ear's with my loud voice or I was in everyone's opinion mad, angry, hostile over my own objection's to have to explain my mood or be appeasing to everyone when these same (MF) Mother Fucker's wish to have unqualified personnel to deal with mentally ill patients, thats not a fault of mine, that is a failure of the State
3 when the State of California place's employee's in a possission to treat inmate patients what are you saying, am I sick (MH) mentally ill and need care medically or am I a inmate prisoner that wear's the same uniform as everyone else yet I am surely different I am having to follow and inhere to some other than normal work standard then everyone else from every other classification Im almost 7 year's now on a 10 year term for removing a American flag from a liquior store. Mind you that was my original arrest on this case which only perpetuated into a deep state of legal and illegal law enforcement and injustice imposed apone myself as I do relieze I am in prison yet everyone acts as if they are the ruling authority weather is be the dealer's on the yard to the mental health staff to medical. It isn't even so much the correctional staff as the P.O.T.U.S. said it's the bad cop's. I hear this all the time while some pat themselve's on the back for doing a good deed for one yet hate on anther if you were to relieze this alone witnessed by other's showing partiality to one and not the other creats animosity among people people in
4 general. Not just inmates, let alone a mental patient boy if I can become instantly upset over being denied something as simple as my issue of food if I question the server. Sometime's not everytime but to be called name's first thing in the morning over your basic required issue for just substainable life force. to be verbally abused by staff in my opinion is not a victimless crime it is a abuse of power yet to speak about such thing's can and will cause futher harm to yourself all that no reprisals; will be taken against you well that is just a statement or disclaimer in general yet while it happen's more often then that, staff often plot together to put a plan into action if your presents cause's to many disruption's on the yard so you are removed for safety and security reason's labeled a trouble maker as false reports are intered in to the S.O.M.S. The offender's management system their is nothing strategic about the obvious it sound's as if your saying psalm, yet the California Dept. of Corrections and Rehabilitation's claim to rehab or correct prisoner's would be a oxymoron, when your trying to fix someone whom you claim is broken when the fact of the matter is the system
5 is installing broken employee's and mental health, medical staff into a system that is severly flawed already only kicking the can further down the road the solution to these major issues (1) Being the best qualified people are those that have been their and done that. Its like the old (NA) Narcotic's Anonymous model of "one addict can best understand and help another addict, yet if you apply this to most every aspect of the criminal justice system you will see. It does work, I've sat in 100's of (NA) meeting's and as a group of simular thinking peoples' whom have arrested there problem to the point of no longer using drugs nor alcohol. By given yourself a brake you along with help from other's suggestion's as a group begin to have some basic clarity if you are serious about having a problem if and only if you are willing to do something about it the thing that I see most in the prison setting with the prison population every where I've been. It never seem's to change. The help is only a Bandaid to a festering open wound that will never heal the state and its employ keep this as a on going
6 delemia alway's placing blame on its inmate population, you alway's see correctional staff sitting around bullshitting among themselve's if you have a issue to raize or you have need of some assistance most of the time your meet with a almost why are you bothering me with this or hold on or let me check to make sure ect. excuse's are like ass hole's everyone has one their is nothing worse then to watch those whom are to be suppose to have the job of watching you and over an over again you see these inconsistence's occur daily while it is not everyone yet those that are doing these thing's create a good guy bad guy situation, while winning favor over some of the inmate population it allways's lead's to desention among's the rank's of the already divided inmate population. let alone someone that has access to money all this issue become larger than life inside the wall's of a housing unit where some kind of trust and truce between all the nation's of the inmate population have to reside together let alone try to place someone into a cell when they are not compatible and
7 forced by threat of disciplinary action if they do not conform or follow a direct order this I've seen lead to the extreme including the death of one of the prisoner's because they were not able to cohabitate. By my own experence as crazy everyone may write me off on paper I've had some cellies that were totally unable to function as far as sitting on there bunk all the day long rocking back and forth mumbleing to themselve's with no want or reason to speak nor carry a conversation. how unconfortable you might think that can be may I ask a question? How would anyone feel about falling asleep with someone in anybody's room or house or cell when your cell or room or house mate is a complete stranger. I wont use any name's cause I've been called them all my self and the issue I raise is simple when you try to make someone take a call partner if they are not wanting to and are forced we'll it's only a matter of time before thing's become ugly. There will alway's be a pecking order in the prison population. The reason is simple. when you have someone doing life with out the possibility of parole
8 and someone going home in 2, or 3, year's who would have the upper hand? And if they are violent? Oh boy! Im not a cell boss or a violent person my self yet if you look at all the file's against me it look's like I'm a madman, yet if you were to do a close examination along with the other side of the story like mine, and me, my side is not only different but put's everything into order and a very real perspective that without all the lie's told and generated about me and my so called Behavioral Disorder? you would find that infact I do know the people I talk about and the issue's I raise are real and the truth must be told at all cost. Not just for me but for the general population of the California prison system as a whole for me to better serve my prison community I only have to keep my integrity in perfect tact so that I myself can be above reproach even when I am accused of thing's I did not do. So if I have been asked to lie for someone or do something unbecoming of that trate of mine, I will not do it! and have lost so called friends over such issue's but if I was to lie for someone or commit fraud in
9) any case I would therefore know myself to be a lier and my whole life and story would be erroneous and void, while I can write about issue's that would tend to upset me most I will remove myself from those settings as much as possible but in prison living in such close proximity to so many diffrent nationality's there is always tension alway's just because most men are set in there own ways and are worldly wise and mad about there situation when someone has a year or less to do the worst thing you can do is go around talking about it. When you have someone that is never getting out and hes nothing or no one out side resentment can just be natural and if it is a person prone to violence dont think for a minute that that man wont be a animal and take that person's shit just to what is said "Fuck their's off" and if you let them treat you in this way you'll be a punk or a bitch and where is your (MH) Mental Health Treatment Team. We all know their not here on the week end's. We hear about all the party's and the New Year's drinking and carring on cause it is normal to hear conversation's
10 by staff about personal life, while they are talking among themselves even if you are not trying to hear, what would you have to do not to hear anything, while some will wish to be ingulfed into everything that said just like all that I have written about now or in the past is it even relivant you mask wish to ask yourself what can be done about anything that not only concern's prisoner's right's but man in general? My only answer to everything as far as prison life and politic's and government the only reasonable solution to bring peace accross the entire spectrum would be to relize that the man who was nailed to a tree oh so many year's ago, that had the answer's to all the world's problem's well we know that because he had the answer's he was hung and killed because not everyone then nor now wishes to hear the truth! Nor do they wish to understand God's will and why this country was once a blessing for all, now has so become a curse when you put human profit over God's basic law's, then elect men to lord over other men. It will alway's result in war! and only when the war become's so overwhelming with pain & suffering that the masse's will scream of God please bring peace!
Their is a old saying that go's what does a atheist say when he is shot? Oh God! I've been shot! It might be funny it may not but these are the crude joke's, game's, movie's, video game's, music, etc. that a lot of society are into these day's I cant speak for television any more since my t.v. was taken and lost or stolen on 9-12-18 even after I proved it was in my cell the day I went to ad/seg for a crime that never happened I never recieved my T.V. even after I filed a appeal and won I was moved so many time's from unit to unit to prison to prison that I lost the paperwork which was also in my cell and came up missing or discarded along with artwork stolen or thrown away or keep by staff and left out for anyone to scaveng an through after whom ever rolls up your personal property and desides what you can and cant have while known to them that it will be month's before you recieve any kind of compensation for missing or lost and or stolen property their answer is alway's the same. It wasn't their we packed everything many your cellie kept it? placing the blame on everyone except those responsible for the missing item's. It is common and well
12 known that if you put up resistance you will be smashed! and taken apart like your T.V. and sold for parts! It isn't even funny its just the truth. My poor mother and sister whom have worked there intire life and struggle as single women in the world still today to ask for another T.V. when prison staff were responsable for my item's up to and including the yard Lueiteitant that came to my cell and spoke out loud when I wanted him to see my thing's in my cell stated when he did come in to look my "T.V. is on and working"! So that Lt.'s word along with his staff that was present along with everyone involved in this 21 year court sentence are all liers, theives and scumbag's using there color of authority to correct inmate's of wrong doing even when they have done nothing wrong! They will keep to the lie to protect there fellow employee's to keep themselve's on the job. This is called corruption, racketeering, and is a federal offense just think about it. If they hate on you by making statements like death to all hater's! well what are they saying? when you hate what do they do to you and the way they treat you? So they in their own
13 simple way are leading you to death, this is the mission of the devil him self, when a man is put in charge over another man and cannot empathize with that person's issue's then every 8, 16, 24 hour's different shifts come and go can you see the dilemia that take's place you have one person that is a stickeler for the rule's then you have another that will bend the rule's and even another that will brake the rule's there is never any consistant plan for action yet the penalty for us is alway's going to be the same I have no problem following rule's, law's, code's ect. But when those rule's laws regulation's, codes are only up held for some and not all and the scales are unbalanced your going to get very upset people. and a man who is unbalanced can be very unpredictable in prison when some one has had enough 1 of 2 things occure. In the thought process, suicide, or homicide those are the only issue's! If they were not then why are so many Mental Health Staff employed Monday thru Friday? and not stagered all seven day's a week why are you signing a form for treatment if you are working a program
14 and have insight into your illness? These answer's and more are simple! The state has the public convinced that everyone in prison is a criminal even those we are finding out more and more are wrongfully convicted or set-up lied about, I can say for myself I am not guilty of the things I was charged with and I've been convicted of because of lie's told by Mental Health Staff and State employee's and the District Attorney's in my case. It was laughable in closing arguments in Lancaster California Court when the D.A. held up a form and said the Defendant had every opertunity to call witnesse's in his case and to subpoena them to court! yet I gave names location's asked my public defender's to talk to and bring to court yet the P.D. stated that they may hurt me more than help. when I told them how is the truth going to hurt? Because they are in prison and may say something against you when I tryed to argue the point with him it fell on deaf ear's cause dont you know the lawyer know's best I do believe they all work hand an hand while they are quick to connect it can take so much more time to reverse a verdict once your tried and already in
15 prison your assumed guilty anyway's and God help you if your at odd's with any of the staff or inmates you become one of the two thing's a soldier or a mark and if your a soldier you fight to servive if your a mark you dont care enough about yourself to even defend you! So you become a ward of the state and a good little boy and a yes man where ever you go! on the other hand as a soldier you move about just as if you are on a battlefield alway's prepared for anything as you exit you cell all the time. When that cell door crack's your on your feet at attention in a fraction of a split second checking why your door popped open. Not our of fear but out of readyness keyed into the everyday life of always watching your back and your surrounding's cause you never know? All it take's is that once that one time someone else is having a bad day anything can happen and I've seen it to many time's a door crack's someone or two or 3 run in regulate someone, come back out with property and close the cell door behind them I'm a little bit older so I do know a lot of tectneqcunics, a lot of kids dont! will I teach
16 them? No I'd rather show someone a skillful trade like how to draw, but 9 times out of 10 the younger ones want to know bad shit they would rather wear 150.00 dollar tennis shoe's from the family then learn how to earn money, spending other's hard earned currency is easy, yet I try to explain what are you gonna do when it all run's out? When you have nothing and no skill's? To pay your bill's? Well its a hard lesson to learn let alone teach. I have one old cellie here Ill be leaving behind when I leave here that way we shall never see each other again in the long run may be best since his welfare came to a end when his girlfriend died of a drug overdose and I left him last month on the yard at a 20 cents a hour job and catching bugs for some one to feed their pet for a couple of soups aday big money to a 35 year old man that dont even know nor care when he was born drugs have tweaked his brain so bad it's almost like watching someone turn into a zombie, no thanks I'll pass I will ask as well will you put something into your only given body on this earth something someone else tell's you to take, cause it will make you feel a certain way what happens when it dont do what they say? Who then does anyone blame? just more to think about huh?