Transcript
Reflections From the Cement Coffin (July 10, 2013 - Wednesday - Roughly 2:22 A.M.) I've been up since about roughly 11:00 A.M. As I opened my eyes, reflections regarding the dynamic nature of particle consciousness continued to speak. I am still thinking of it in terms of the - what seems to be the potential ability to reverse program particle consciousness. But I want to stay closely connected to word models such as magic, witchcraft, and wizardry in relation to this discussion regarding the reverse programming of particle consciousness as opposed to unintentionally neglecting them or running away from moving through such word models due to the perceptual stigma that has been projected onto them through the mind of the masses. But it would appear that the collective infatuation with magic mountain (i.e. do you believe in magic is the question Disneyland poses to the world), with Disneyland, with the Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings movies, with all that has been written about magic, werewolves, vampires and the continuing infatuation with the mythologies would appear to betray the notion that the very real possibility of magic and extra-sensory skills isn't widely accepted among us. What just occurred to me is a play on the word model Disneyland. Sound cooed within the word model seems to be the word model "dizzyland." The indication would then be the land of the mentally confused, which would then reflect the varying degrees of mental illness conditioned upon the physical being by the nature of this ideologically constructed world or this ideologically programmed world. Maybe it is reasonable to consider that we exist in - that we are right now experiencing our existence in dizzyland. The mental confusion would appear to be evident by the collective acceptance of the possibility of magical ability but not thinking more seriously about investigating the possible ability, about learning how to access the potential ability and then willfully - intentfully utilizing the ability to finish creating the world we desire to experience our existence in. Disneyland because there is a collective acceptance of the potential ability of magic - dizzyland because there is a collective negligence to take the potential ability of magic more seriously. It seems that to discuss the potential ability to reverse the programming of particle consciousness is to basically bring the discussion of magic from out of the dark shadows into the light. When we talk openly about the potential ability to reverse the programming of particle consciousness, we are basically talking openly about reversing the voodoo-witchcraft spell of religious/political ideology that appears to be the personification of the [degenerate?] we programming we help to subject ourselves to. The religious ideologue says not to consider the potential ability of magic. He says that it is the work of the devil - the work of the evil one and that you must condemn it if you want your soul to be saved from having to be put in the hell fire on the day of judgement when the battle in the sky happens and the world is destroyed etc. etc. etc. etc. The religious ideologue says to simply wait for the day of judgment. What is interesting though about the religious ideologue's condemnation of the potential ability of magic is that it would seem to accept the possibility of being to receive from a higher power the things asked for is the same as accepting the potential ability of magic. Isn't this what magic is essentially about - utilizing your higher power. Why then the psychological conflict from the religious ideologue? It would - the reason would appear to be the degree of degenerative programming of the particle of consciousness in which he is experiencing his existence. The religious ideologue is self subjected to a magic spell (i.e. programming) himself. His disbelief in it - condemnation of it makes the spell no less effective but perhaps more effective because the condemnation precludes serious inquiry into comprehending the root cause of his psychological conflict. The religious ideologue's belief in the day of judgement hypothesis would appear to be another clear example of the degenerative magic spell the mind of religious ideologues are held under. (Roughly 6:19 A.M.) I entered into a rest period at about 5:00 A.M. and had another experience. I was in a classroom setting with other students. It seemed to be a spacious airy machine shop - large tables - big windows - miscellaneous machine parts laying all around. It was like the inside of the classroom was slanted elongated on the side of a mountain. It appeared that I was on my way to leaving out of the classroom but realized that I didn't have my I.D. on me when I got to the door. I stopped and checked the pockets on my clothing before thinking that I had probably forgotten it on top of my teacher's desk. His desk sat at the top of the classroom like on the peak of a mountain almost. Mr. Schimel was the teacher. When I made it up to his desk, I saw a significant number of I.D.s sitting in a pile in the middle of his desk. There were also I.D.s neatly ordered in small boxes - small rectangular shaped boxes. When I began looking through the pile of I.D.s, in the middle of the desk, for my own, Mr. Schimel asked me what I was doing. I told him that I couldn't find my I.D., but he told me that I wouldn't find it on his desk because it wasn't there and that he was sure of it because he kept track of all his student's I.D.'s I then walked back toward the door of the classroom. There was a woman - maybe more than one woman sitting at one of the tables watching me. I only recall continuing to make eye contact with one woman. It seemed that I kept moving around the classroom looking for my I.D. - that there were a few times that I made it to door of the classroom but turned around to go back into the classroom and resume looking for my I.D. - it seemed the woman watching me the entire time was waiting for me to leave out of the classroom so that she could begin a new one. I was walking to leave out of the classroom when I opened my eyes from the experience. (July 11, 2013 - Thursday - Roughly 4:06 A.M.) I discontinued moving through reflections on paper yesterday morning because I went out to the mini-yard to work out and shower, but to also have discussion with Robert. I wanted to do so before moving through the reflections on paper relating to my inner dreamworld experience. The reason why is because after Robert returned from the chow hall Tuesday evening, he came to my cell door - told me to make a note of the first word that resonated in my mind after I opened my eyes Wednesday morning, as well as to make note of whatever experience I might have with the inner dreamworld - that he would do the same and we would then compare notes on the mini-yard. The similarities between the two experiences we had are striking. He had a small piece of paper in his hand on which he had written down the power points of his inner dreamworld experience. There are six of them that he looked over as I shared my inner dreamworld experience with him. The six power points that he wrote down are as follows: mature growth is healing, experiencing a new life, woman waiting, tables being made new in a machine shop, people from the old school he attended were in his experience and, when he opened his eyes, he was overcome with a feeling of calm. The six power points are seemingly similar to my own in that the word model phenomenology itself is indicative of mature growth equaling healing change. The word model would appear to be directly connected to the inner dreamworld experience I had. The second point relating to experiencing a new life would seem to correspond with both me not being able to find my I.D. - (maybe indicating my new existing - my new existence as nobody) and the woman sitting at the table seemingly waiting to start a new class. Is it reasonable to consider the experience is communicating to me that I have to travel through the door in order to metaphysically die to this ideologically constructed world before a new one can become created? The similarity of the third point corresponds with the woman at the table sitting down watching me waiting for a new class to begin. The obvious connection to the fourth power point is the appearance of tables and both experiences taking place in a machine shop. The fifth power point would appear to correspond with Mr. Schimel being the teacher in my experience also was the teacher of the pre-release class at San Quentin. He allowed me to come into his classroom once a month and give a presentation to his students. During that period of time he was instrumental in helping to guide my path. As for the last power point, even though before I opened my eyes from experience it seemed as if I was going back and forth between the door and the classroom still looking for my I.D., once I decided to walk toward the door the last time before opening my eyes, it seemed that I had accepted not being able to find my I.D. - the overwhelming calm I felt after opening my eyes would appear to reflect the acceptance. (Roughly 6:33 A.M.) As I move through these reflections on paper, undifferentiated consciousness continues to speak to me more deeply about the system in connection with the number of inmates choosing to not eat in the chow hall for a week. To study the movement of consciousness is to study the system because the system is essentially consciousness. This would appear to be easily agreeable among us. What I am considering is the contrasting consciousness that I think of as particles of consciousness. For the inmate who perceives himself to be—no—that's not my approach to this. The inmates who perceive themselves to be protesting against the system for a week would appear to personify a contrasting particle consciousness to the system. And then, for the inmates who perceive themselves to be protesting against the inmates by virtue of not participating with the protest would appear to personify a contrasting particle consciousness as well or maybe it is the possible consequences of the protest stemming from the system the inmate has to consider that personifies the other contrasting particle consciousness. Or maybe it—this can be better stated—conceived by stating the possibility of the inmates perceiving themselves to protest against the system personifying a contrasting particle consciousness to the system and just the smallest consideration of being against the system possibly personifying a contrasting particle consciousness to the inmate. This allows me to more clearly see the origin of the dark - heavy emotional intelligence that began to grip me on Monday. Just the thought of being caught up in the middle of a protest against the system, despite my disconnection from it, seemed to have had inflamed the contrasting particle consciousness to myself. This it seems is the emotional intelligence that is helping to pull me deeper inside with myself while at the same time compelling me to explore the intelligence of the emotion. But what I am attempting to grasp more clearly in connection with the contrasting particles of consciousness is that the obvious consideration would appear to be that there is a intelligence at work other than my own. I don't choose to be caught up in the middle of the contrasting particle consciousness stemming from the protest of the contrasting particle consciousness appearing to stem from the system, but here I am caught up in the middle of it with seemingly no way to get away from it all. I suppose the degree to which I am attempting to explore this emotional intelligence or the degree to which these events have affected me is as a result of the degree to which I seriously observationally engage each moment of my journey. The argument might be why not just go into the chow hall - sit down and eat. I would then be able to experience/study the contrasting particle consciousness as a result of the appearance of moving against the inmates. The emotional intelligence would obviously be different and maybe the exploration of it wouldn't have led me to the insights I am now considering. I can't say this with certainty, though. It seems reasonable to say, though, that had I not been compelled to experience the moment as I now am that I wouldn't be able to study/observe-experience the same degree of emotional intelligence I now am. What the contrasting particle consciousness appears to be doing, as a result of me closely examining the emotional intelligence, is driving me to see more clearly beyond it, especially when I consider that particle consciousness is another intelligence not my own - but is rather a part of my intelligence which would appear to be the undifferentiated consciousness that particle consciousness is compelling me to more clearly see and connect with. If particle consciousness compels me to experience the things I really don't desire to experience, then there must be undifferentiated consciousness that exist beyond it and is the intelligence I am intended to connect with in order to be able to experience the existence I really desire to experience. But what seems more than reasonable to consider is that, if our system is essentially consciousness, then to have the intention to be against the system or any member of the system (i.e. particle of consciousness) is to have the intention to be against consciousness which it seems is clearly to be against ourself because, if we are not conscious beings, then who are we? The system is like a extension of our consciousness and our consciousness is like a extension of our system. This consideration it seems underscores the ludicrousness of intending to be against the system. There is no greater power than consciousness and therefore our system. The most effective recourse with the system would appear to simply be effective communication within. I would like to think that, if I were in the exact same situation as one of the inmates having been in a indeterminate SHU program for a lengthy amount of time and I was still compelled to apply myself over the years as I have been doing – that, even in such a situation as that, the system would respond to the seriousness of my intent, evidenced by the development of my awareness, and according help to make my situation conducive to my continued growth. The shift in strategic thinking toward radical self responsibility for the consequences of one's own actions or even the seemingly unwarranted experiences one may be compelled to endure is a difficult pill to swallow. My experience, though, has shown me that self responsibility is a viable recourse with the system. To blame the system or to have the intention to fight against the system for something one is presumed to be entitled to would seem to be like a kid throwing a tantrum to receive something that he/she hasn't worked for and therefore doesn't understand yet still feels entitled to. It seems reasonable to consider that we must first learn how to respect the system (i.e. consciousness) in order to experience the respect of the system. One thing that we can't seem to get away from, no matter how much these who have the intentions to be against the system may try, is that it is unreasonable to claim to understand and then complain about the experiences the presumed understanding brings – and if one doesn't presume to understand then time is not spent intending to be against the system but is rather spent working to understand the system. Otherwise the fight is simply against one's own understanding. Let me just say that the emotional intelligence is emphasizing to me that as I navigate my way deeper through particle consciousness, being that the path is not about me but about being a servant to the members of our body - I can't concern myself with the emotional intelligence I may or may not sometimes be compelled to experience via particle consciousness - the path is to remain focus on/with the movement of undifferentiated consciousness through particle consciousness. Faith is the path I am experiencing. Faith in the system as a direct result of the work I am doing within myself. (Roughly 12:49 P.M.) It seems reasonable that I wouldn't be able to see the connection as clear as I do now before having moved through the reflections on paper that I have - I'm talking about what Robert said to me at the chow hall table Sunday evening as we discussed the dynamics relating to inmates choosing to not eat in the chow hall for a week. During that moment it was already settled in my mind that I was going to continue going to the chow hall and eating because what the inmates were choosing to do made no practical sense to me. I considered then the emotional intelligence I would have the opportunity to study/observe move through the inmates in response to my choice. But what Robert said to me at the table shifted my way of thinking about it later on. "What is the motivating force behind the inmates," he asked me. And even though my response to the question was accurate, it seems, I was unable to realize how accurate the response now appears to be to me. I told him that there was no motivating force behind the inmates' action - that they just didn't think and were programmed according to condition response etc. etc. But it would seem to be obvious to me now that consciousness is the motivating force behind the actions of the inmates. The question made me later realize that consciousness was possibly indicating to me to allow myself to experience/study the emotional intelligence of the movement. (Roughly 1:57 P.M.) I think what is interesting is how it seems the more I am allowed to understand the system the more I am allowed to understand myself. (Roughly 3:12 P.M.) Undifferentiated consciousness continues to speak and draw me closer. I want to go back to the similar inner dream world experiences Robert and I had. From what I was able to gather from listening to him, this experience he had was essentially about him being in a machine shop with other people working on old tables creating them into new ones. The short analysis to the experience I had would seem to be that I was looking for my I.D. and couldn't find it because I'm nobody. The message would seem to indicate unification with undifferentiated consciousness. It would seem to be connected to or a continuation of what was being indicated by the experience during which I was in the school hallway trying to kill the brown recluse spider and the experience during which the helicopter with the giant magnet hanging from it was trying to pull the vehicle I was riding in up in the air. (Roughly 3:35 P.M.) Before I entered into a rest period early yesterday morning, my intention was to continue moving on paper through the reflections relating to a more ordinary perception of the word model magic. I had got stuck contemplating the possible connection between the word models magic, witchcraft, sorcery, wizardry, etc. and the word models priest, priesthood, clergy, pastor, reverend, etc. There is a school of thought that the ideologically constructed system is ran by none other than the modern day Levitical priesthood - possibly the assembly of religious/political ideologues who hold sway over the minds of their followers and all the rest of us who have consented through invisible contract. The long black priest and priestess like robes worn by judges? The titles of nobility blatantly in conflict with the Constitution? The pomp and ceremony of the Pope and his bishops/cardinals strangely similar to that of ancient Egyptian pharaohs and their priesthoods - the names may change but the game has seemingly remained the same - a world full of people willing to die for religious ideologies whose objective is diametrically opposed to building the kingdom of heaven on mother earth in right now time-what else can it be except degenerative magic - the religious-political leaders who practice it, whether knowingly or unknowingly, are the transmitting utilities for it - it wouldn't appear to be a question of whether or not magic is being practiced - the only question is whether the magic is regenerative or degenerative magic that is being practiced. Another look at the meaning of the genocides spoken of as crusades may be necessary - it seems the point of them was to wipe out our most common tradition among all races - inner connectedness with the emotional intelligence of mother earth - the acceptance of magical ability was perhaps a reflection from mother earth to her children bearing witness to the living nature of the inner connectedness - boom!! - patriarchal wizardry lays the hammer down in order to cast a dark spell over the minds of those who once had faith in their own personal relationship with the higher power - the experience of one's own creative ability from within makes it totally and completely impossible to be mind controlled by illogical thinking - only it seems a higher form of illogical thinking has the ability to mind control the lesser form of it - so boom!! - the genocides begin - kill all those who are mentally/emotionally tuned into mother earth - black - white - it doesn't matter who - just kill 'em all - then teach - brainwash the children to believe that magic and witchcraft is evil so patriarchal worship will be the only witchcraft in town and the people won't know that we are the wizards of it - what else except degenerative magic accounts for the voter approved success of the trickle down economic pyramid scheme - the point consideration of all though is to simply suggest that it is necessary for us to be open, conscious and deliberate about what it is we are doing. (Roughly 5:14 P.M.) When I first opened my eyes early Wednesday morning at roughly 1:00 A.M., it was the word model phenomenology that spoke to me. I was intending to move through the reflections on paper but I instead seemed compel to move through these reflections regarding the connection between reverse programming of particle consciousness and the ordinary perception of magic as it relates to our creative ability. There would appear to be a connection between the word model phenomenology and magic that I am intended to make. Nobody
