Transcript
Topic: Solitary confinement Page 1 A) Been placed in solitary for minor infractions B) Never committed violence and there is an initial shock with going to hole C) Attempts at adjustment D) After a few days thoughts distorted E) Time is stretched F) Mistrust of psychology, they make something worse G) Traumatic memories occur. H) Sudden shock during sleep and lack of self understanding Page 2 I) Avoidance of crowds and fear of dying J) Speak with psych after released - they down played symptoms K) Instead of help, got false accusations A. I have been in prison for over 20 years for theft related crimes. I have been placed in the hole at least a dozen times. Sometimes for minor infractions and other times as a form of retaliation. B. I have never committed a violent act, nor have have I acted with aggression to end up in the hole. Usually getting handcuffed and battered around is a traumatic experience. There is an initial shock (especially when mal-treatment is added) to being placed in the hole. It lasts a few days and involves repentative thoughts such as "how could this happen this way" "I can't believe this" or/and anger. C. For the first few days I also try to establish some kind of routine and figure out the schedule of the events that happen or when food is brought to the cell. To keep track. D. After about five days things start to become heavy and start to become distorted. Racing thoughts, anxiety over not knowing what is going on or further deception by authorities and time becomes..... stretched. E. I spent hours daydreaming, working out and come to find out only 15 minutes had past. This time thing is a torturous common occurrence. After a few weeks things become barely manageable. I have experienced paranoia and hallucinations, and other people I know have as well. F. It is commonly know by many that when the psychology staff ask you if you are alright, you say you are fine or down play your problems because they will make the negative reactions more extreme by taking your clothes and blankets which also increases the sense of being vulnerable and helpless. G. The worst part of being in the hole is when my mind would start to feed on itself and see only extreme traumatic events from when I was a kid and the past. It was like I was actually there again going through those things and try as hard as I could no other thoughts would come to mind. H. I also experienced going to sleep and jumping awake suddenly, like the surprise of someone slamming a loud door. I believe the shock awake is due to my mind falling asleep and suddenly reliving events that happen. I felt like I was going insane. There is a confusion and something like personality shatter that likes place, that in many ways has stuck with me, its like I can just see the edges of how I really feel and think, even in my efforts to be honest and do the right things, I never feel like a complete person. I. I notice a greater avoidance of crowded places and feeling panic and overwhelmed if I'm around people. I wake up most nights several times. I notice an increase in mental health problems after every time I go to and get out of the hole. Many times I made my peace with God because I really believed that I was going to die. J. When I was released from the hole, a couple times, I built up the courage to go speak with mental health about the problems I was having. I was told that I was fine and these issues are no big deal and they'd pass. That was 6 years ago, they never passed, I just learned to live with the world falling apart and do my best to avoid situations or repress how I feel temporarily until I could get away. K. Another time I was told by the psych Doctor that he knew I was trying to manipulate him in some way and that he just couldn't figure out for what or how. I don't believe in medications, so what could I be after other than help? In a nut shell, this has been my experience with solitary. I don't have a GED and I don't understand if the Dr. was some how intimidated by my concerns.
