The barking spider incident

von Renegar, Eric



"The Barking Spider Incident" While sitting in a cell, in the Lake County jail, California; my cellmate and I where talking about how smart a person has to be, to be a correctional guard. My cellmate was saying; that they had to be pretty smart to be a correctional guard. I was saying; a moron could do the job better than the ones that work here. Since we were both bored, and just waiting for our one hour of dayroom program to begin. So to prove my point, I came up with an idea, but I needed an Inmate Request Form. Once I got my Inmate Request Form; I filled it out, asking for an exterminator to kill "Barking Spiders." Now, everyone knows what a Barking Spider is, don't they? Well, when the guard came around on her rounds, she took my Inmate Request Form, read, signed that the request was received and handed me the pink copy for my records. After handing me the pink copy, she stated; that they did need an exterminator, because they did have some pretty big spiders here; but that she didn't know what kind of spiders they were. She even asked me and my cellmate, how we knew what kind of spiders they were? I told her that if you are real, real quiet, you could hear them bark. Of course, after the left the dayroom, we had a really good laugh! The next day, I was given the gold copy of my Inmate Request Form. The gold copy is the answer to the Inmate Request Form, which the sergeant responds to, and they sign. On the sergeant's response at the bottom of the gold copy, she stated; that your cell would be placed on the maintenance work list for the exterminator. I take it, the sergeant doesn't know what a Barking Spider is either. Just to prove I was right all along, either myself, or my cellmate, asked all the guards that worked C-Pod; if they knew what a Barking Spider was. To my cellmate's surprise; he was shocked that correctional guards could be so stupid. Not even the sergeant's we spoke to, when we went to court, knew what a Barking Spider was. So, if you want to be a correctional guard for the Lake County Sheriff Department, and you are not to smart; I am sure you can always get a job at the Lake County Jail in California. They say, I don't have a sense of humor; so what do you think, do I or don't I, have a sense of humor? Did I at least make you laugh; at least once! If anyone has any comments, they can address them to: Erik von Renegar 34777, 4913 Helbush Dr., Lakeport, California 95453. I should be here for a few more months; look for more from me in the near future. By: Eric von Renegar

Author: von Renegar, Eric

Author Location: California

Date: August 27, 2019

Genre: Essay

Extent: 2 pages

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