Shon Pernice 1236421
October 23, 2018
The Poopv Prison Prank
The atmosphere in a typical prison generates feelings of anger, paranoia, distrust, and fear. To pull a prank, one must be cautious because offending the wrong inmate, or group of inmates, could result in a beat down. Being a lifelong prankster, I still have to find a moment to have a good laugh. One thing that will surely cause a ruckus would be something of total disgust.
After a day of laughing over what I’m about to do, I decide to act. I take a pair of my white boxers and get them damp from the sink in my cell. I take a small handful of instant coffee crystals and smear them on the rear part of my boxers. The crystals don’t dissolve well, so I bunch up the boxers and run some water over the pair, and then squeeze them out. They looked totally disgusting———like someone’s ass exploded. But it wasn’t just the back part, the front had a lot of spackling too.
I grab my soap, towel, clean boxers, and hid the offensive pair under my towel. I enter the community shower that has four spouts and no one else present. I take my shower as normal and toss the nasty looking boxers in the corner as I leave. I get back to my cell and watch for a while, but no one enters, so I prepare for a class that we are about to have in the wing.
I then become aware that the noise level in the wing has increased. I go downstairs to my class and there is a group of guys pointing towards the shower and arguing. I suppress my laughter. As I’m in my class, I hear the “sanitation crew” called on the overhead speaker. I darn near lose my composure as my prank has made it be known to the correctional ofﬁcers. A red biohazard bas was brought to the shower area, and my creation was removed like some kind of radioactive material.
The next morning, I asked the inmate in charge of our dorm cleaning, “What happened in the shower yesterday?” He replied, “Someone crapped their pants really bad, so I paid the sanitation crew a soda a piece to get them out.”
In the prison setting, if this had really happened, and the culprit was found out to have tossed his soiled undies in the shower, serious physical consequences would result. But for the moment, I’ll keep the laughter to myself and think about the next caper to pull.
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