The Rain That Didn't Stop Falling
They say that concrete can drain a man's physical energy, but what about his soul? I ponder this fact as I lay naked and shivering on the concrete slab that protuded from the wall of my cell.
Angry abrasions burn my hips from laying here. The rectangle window above my head is spray painted black. Letting no light in letting no light out.
The clanking of handcuffs can be heard in the sallyport. The idle chit-chat of correctional officers is loud, but indecipherable.
A homosexual by the name of Le'Quesha has be banging on every surface of his cell, with what I am assuming is a plastic deodorant bottle. He is "going to war" with a young white inmate named B. Le'Quesha goes to war with everyone. And sometimes I wish I could strap a bomb to my chest scream, "Allahu Akbar"! and blow him to pieces, but he's well versed in the "art of being an ad-seg warrior." Many has tried, but no one has had enough ruthlessness to bring him down. He is a tyrant.
I turn on my back. My stomach concaves. My ribcage and pelvis protrude. I tap on them both with my knuckles. The tapping makes a sound that sounds like thumping on a hillow tree trunk. It has been days since I last ate.
Every so often a tear would burn my eye ducts. Falling down my cheeks to my lips. Thier saltiness taste like manna.
I stand on wobbly legs. My toes curl involuntarily on the cold and filthy floor.
I run my tongue across my coated teeth for the umpteenth time. Feeling the jagged edges of my once beautiful chompers. My smile has been comprised, but I am not sure how. Maybe an envious c/o had done it when they cut my unconscious body from the heating vent in my last cell.
I can still hear the c/o's talking.
"What time is it",? I yell
"Hammertime", mocks one
Making my way to the stainless steel mirror above my toilet/sink. I see that my eye has a perfect cartoonish black ring around it. Someone has "dotted my eye" so to speak.
I glance down to see a stew of urine and human waste in the toilet. It has been there so long that a brown algae has conjoined at it's bottom. I am unsure if it belongs to me or the person who was here before me. In it floats an apple core.
My throat feels as if Ive swallowed rusted bobwire. I push the circular button on the toilet/sink. The sprout makes a hissing sound, but no aqua.
A sleeve of stryofoam cups can be seen on the control centers edge, taunting me. I am to week to yell that I am dying of thirst. My head reels and I almost lose conciousness. The black space in the distance seems so welcoming. I stumble to my resting place and dive into the darkness....
To be continued.....
Cedric Clerk is an inmate in the Missouri Department of Corrections, who was certified as an adult (He was 15 years old at the time of his crime) and sentenced to an unconstitutional life w/o parole for murder in the first degree. The Rain That Didn't Stop falling is about a serious suicide attempt that he made in 2006 at the time he had 8 year in at the age of 23.
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