The Testimony of a Desolate Soul...
Finally, I have conquered this demon of oppression. The monster that fed on my fear for so long. It grew inside me and drove me mad. I was tired, but it still oppressed me. And with no keen sense of direction I ran aimlessly toward my destination. Hell and destruction awaited. No one ever asked whether I needed comfort in my time of crises and shame. Twenty (20) years of sorrow, of being defamed. I never really found courage to confront my sin within; but it came to me somehow. In the end - my family and friends - no one even remembered the very thing I was so wrongfully accused. Although they mention my name only when spirits fill their heart, I am a mere recollection in the back of their minds.
Someone special visited me most recently. For an hour before I paced my cell wondering what to say to her. As far as relationships go: I love the way we are now. Learning. Growing. Understanding one another... I really did feel something after all the years of nothingness. A spark lit inside of me when our eyes connected - after all those years. It felt good. The first time I felt a spiritual rush. Then, suddenly I saw her blush. And. It felt wonderful. I wanted to experience and feel this every single day.
Looking into the most beautiful eyes - I see no fear. I see no doubts. No questions. I only sense the pride in all that attitude. I see a woman now - with many virtuous attributes. After all those years... I can imagine the many secrets and desires in her heart. They see to personify her mind. There is a reflection of all the things she encountered, and the many places she's been - the wonders she's seen. By far, she must realize essence makes her Queen. And one before my time. Please, hear this in my voice; feel it within my words. That I do believe. She is all or nothing I'll ever need. But I knew the day would come. Even back then when I said: "Love is forever". Then, suddenly, all at once I lost all I had hoped, cared or even loved. Of all things it seems I left behind my Queen. For so long I was afraid - I was enraged! My blood and arrogant ways would certainly have destroyed her, too. Plus it made no sense to drag her through the fire and brimstone with me; Besides, every minute spent in this hell (prison) I prayed someday she would find my dying soul and forgive me.
"...I saw the dark clouds not far in the distance. Suddenly, the sound of thunder rattled my ears and lightning lit within the midst. The wind became ferocious, troubling and frightening. With all my might I wanted to be brave. Still, I was afraid.
So rough was the sea of my confusion and the waves of uncertainty rose like a force over which I have no control - and stirring in the waters was my drowning soul." - [redacted] - U-R W/Me.
I recently turned forty-five (45) years old on this wonderful planet Earth. But, to wake every morning in the prison cell is not as disappointing as the brick wall adjacent to the confinement space. There is a face sheet-photo - that reminds me, or the guards I guess, of a younger version of myself. The detailed information about my status, name, D.O.B., height, weight, place of incarceration, etc... Admittedly, the most depressing reminder is the length of sentence: Life. This idiom illustrates an entirely grave meaning:
In life I wandered alone in darkness, in search for a spark of love. I am cold and hungry, but life pushes me forward - far and above. The Judge must really hate me. Either/or he despise and deny this force we all are drawn toward. To those who are traveling in darkness, in spirit and in mind, also, to those who are baffled - cogito, ergo sum; or deaf, dumb, and blind. Take this promise of forever: Life. We all must live and we shall die alone. There is only destitution in no understanding, no posterity and no home. Remember before the storm there is a quiet yet humbling calm.
"When the rain began falling upon my head, I found it calm and refreshing. Nature, in her disguise, just decided to bless me. While moving in my direction she passed by, leaving me reflecting. ...there was nothing to fear; and God was simply reminding me that He is here." - U-R W/Me
I am a child of the most excellent. And as children of brilliance glory in the light. I must shine. But, there are children of the night who wander mindlessly - blindly in their sight. These are in darkness. So, in faith I walk alone with no one but God before me. In prayer I talk alone when everyone but God ignores me. I hope to share his loving kindness. Moreover, in love I shall experience my existence as the blissful state of peace. Although in spirit I strive for excellence in a wishful way of thought - to be free from all the things that intrinsically define me. I find it's fine to be spiritually inclined, but His Spirit will remind me.
For I am a child of God, an heir to His holy kingdom; with treasure beyond compare, in places I can only dream them. The kingdom of God is so close, yet so distant and formless. My God! We should be so glad he found us. Here, lost in space and time, in a world so bleak, so dull and so disappointing, "you called me," Lord, with a voice so calm, so pleasant, with such anointing.
"When I was afraid of not knowing the laughter and the joy - Lord, you called me over with such a force... so powerful, cheerful, and so compelling, I had no choice but to listen and obey. Your presence is so overwhelming." Therefore, I must, as a child of light, be careful; to share the lessons of this life with those in dark stages - those with no spiritual insight. I must remain prayerful.
Somewhere I read about "The New Covenant" and "The Mark Of The Dragon". In the days of the tribulation, famine, wars and pestilence will be recorded in astronomical census. In some countries the violence will become so common that certain offenses won't constitute a crime at all. Murder, rape, Assault, and robbery will be practically legalized depending on what circumstances they were committed. And there is mounting evidence of that now, here, in America.
In other places, the citizens will be given the same right we have now, to bear arms. To protect their families and property at all cost. Governments are corrupt and greedy for power and control on a Global scale. It is almost "each man for himself". It was said: The Muslim President became the world's last remaining superpower - The United States - and in 2017 begun compromising Israel's security, independence, and forcefully turned against its only true ally in the Middle East. Currying favor with the Arab oil producing Nations, America cut Israel off at the knees. Denying them missiles and bunker-busting bombs. Threats of sanctions, and trade embargoes were employed and their Prime Minister was treated with contempt, hostility, scorn and derision.
There will be people who survive outside of the United States Government's protection, though. They will be called rebels. Those who comply with this "New Covenant" will be imprisoned, for their own safety, of course. Eventually, most citizens will discover that those imprisoned are enslaved or simply exterminated. The suffering will be without cause and seemingly unrelenting. the people will pray to a God who either mocks them or laughs at their ignorance and pleas. The world is becoming a form of hell and the people in it are its captives...
God said His "Spirit" would not always strive with man, but, that he would give him [man-kind] 120 years. Even the Mayans predicted, according to their calendar, we are living in the "End Times." The "Great Cycle" of the Mayan long count calendar is believed to have ended at the winter solstice in 2013 A.D.. And, at this point in time the mysterious "Dark Rift" of the Milky Way Galaxy, "Dark Road" has opened to release the cosmic monster spoke of in the "Book of Revelations". So, as the Great Cycle ended - the period of 5,125 years - the conjunction of the Sun and Milky Way Center of mid-point is believed to have occurred on the winter solstice, December 21, 2013, A.D.. The creation of a new Age of the world. 20 Katun have passed. [A Katun is 360 days on the Mayan calendar - which consist of 20 days a month]. 20 Katun equals of Baktun - 144,000 days. The number 144,000 is important because it is the number of the Firstfruits redeemed to God at the coming of the Messiah.
My people. The rate at which the enemy (hate) is moving has changed and is increasing. To those who see the world the way it is does so because if it were different we would not be here to observe it. We are here to witness the coming of the Messiah! There has already been the rare sequence of Red Blood Moon Lunar Eclipses on the Jewish Passover and the Feast of the Tabernacles, as prophesied. In addition to the Tetrad occurrence, two solar eclipses have complemented the four lunar eclipses on the Jewish New Year and Feast of Trumpets. Remember the Ison Comet which hovered in the sky in December 2013!
Some scientists have concluded that the massive sunspot called "AR1655" is predicted to spew solar flares; and, portions of a coronal mass ejection from those flares are expected to brush Earth's magnetic field, creating what the observers said are bright Aurora around the Arctic Circle. In fact, there are already solar winds from "The Beast" creating arcing across the skies of Northern Scandinavia. Some of these scientists call the sunspot "The Dragon" and others call it "The Beast". Equally important, the flares are expected to continue into the year 2020. The Earth will experience a total of seven direct hits from the solar flares. Moreover, some of these flares can get up to four times the size of the Earth and the damage could be catastrophic. This means the United States can sustain damages in the trillions. The country's electric grid which is the dependent critical infrastructures some 160 million people - more than half the population - could fail. These people will starve because of a collapse of food and fuel delivery systems. Other studies say otherwise. But, according to leading physicists of the N.A.S.A., before it closed, we have experienced at least four direct hits, the most severe affected the Polar caps. In other words, yeah, the flares started a cycle "Global Warming". In 2008, a Congressional mandate commission declared that electromagnetic pulses (E.M.P.), a high-intensity burst of electromagnetic energy hit the Earth in the 1930s causing the "Great Depression". In my personal opinion, that was the third.
I am a believer in a God that teach us to worship in a certain way. But, in many instances I am an Agnostic in terms of whether or not religion itself is just a sham. And what I mean about religion and the people who blindly follow their God make outrageous assumptions sometimes and most often misinterpret their own literature. For instance, take the Holy Bible. When we turn to Revelations it speaks of a scroll with seven (7) seals that no one in Heaven or Earth is worthy to open. That is practically because those seals represent a universal cycle or force, laws that were established from the creation of our universe. Hence, the language in most of the Holy scriptures, especially Revelations is purely philosophical, and theosophical. When the third seal was open, there was a sound like a voice among the four living creatures saying "two pounds of wheat for a day's wages, and six pounds of barley for a day's wages, and don't damage the oil and the wine."
The Mark of the Dragon.
The people of the world are in precarious days, There are mega-criminals in the White House. The President seems to be some kind of tyrant who will stop at nothing to rule the world and is very well on his way to accomplishing his agenda. He is already left the world breathless, trembling and nauseous. As we are witnessing, the Department of Homeland Security is preparing for war on the American citizens. The United States have deemed some of its own citizens potential terrorists because many of them have military training and weapons. The Military is being overhauled, and those whose loyalty to the current dictator is doubtful or questionable are weeded out, retired, and put out to pasture. Those who ultimately identify with the "Beast" will die with the Beast. Those who follow the Beast will perish. Those who bear the "Mark" of the Beast will suffer the wrath of God. And anyone who worships the Beast and his image and receives the "Mark" will be executed.
Last nite I dreamt:
...I opened my eyes and was instantly blinded by a brilliant light. I wondered whether I had died in my sleep. Then, a voice called which seemed to come from nowhere and everywhere all at once -
"Hello. My son." I could not respond. I was petrified, in fear. Meanwhile the voice continued, "I am Gabriel, the messenger of Life."
Somehow, I found the courage to answer: "A-am I dead?" Recollecting every detail of my existence as I inquired. I also recognized the voice of an Angel - Metatron. The anointed Spirit.
"Just as Yeshua was a man overshadowed by the Christos," Gabriel spoke, "and I heard his despairing cry from the cross (Eloi, Eloi, Lama, Sabachthani), was wrung from him that instant he felt that inspiring presence had finally abandoned him, for - as some are aware - His faith had also abandoned him when on the cross."
I too, had lost my inspiration through insincere faith in the face of Evil and physical death. "...You may need to know that everything that is finite is the Maya, all that which is eternal and infinite is reality, form, color, that which you hear and feel, or see with your mortal eyes, exists only so far as it can be conveyed to you as a human being through your senses."
Contemplating this when I woke I realized that we, as a civilization, may live under the powerful dominion of fantasy whether seeing or blind. And man unknowingly counts for so little in this world, that hardly anything can demonstrate to him his proper existence and that of nature. Therefore, because we regard the universe and the beings which seem to compose it as nothing physical, still they are real, and yet the product of continued illusion. I wondered, as a general idea of my mortal mind representing the collective aggregation of the numberless spirit-entities, which are the direct spirit of men; How can a man forfeit his soul?
When the sun began to show its face upon the earth and shine on men today, I wonder who will grow? Who will wither away? What mysteries will be revealed? What secrets will men conceal in silence - in lieu of their wicked ways? They wander - they say, "How can God exist?" With an iron fist the creator of this world has ruled over us.
The reality of being is responsibility for our own actions. Instead, some have searched in vain for something else to worship - that one should be ashamed. My God has given this a name - Idolatry! My God has distinguished these attributes from His character - i.e., man's ego. For all we know, this is who we are because of our loss of identity. A man that prides himself on these things - the works of his own hands; he is broken into pieces like those lifeless idols he cherishes. And because he has poured out his heart and soul into his physical nature, rather than that of a meta-physical Creator... Man is what he loves: So, he too perishes.
On the other hand, the man who studied/studies the eternal cause of all things consciously stays in the presence of a Supreme God - having a supreme mind. "Knowledge is the forbidden bruit; wisdom is the branch of life; and power is the tree of understanding universal truths." - The Book of Dedekiah - Thus, our thinking should not be so easily influenced by the gods (idols) of others. In fact, only through Yeshua (Messiah), meditation and contemplation can we aspire to a higher level of being.
In the uncertainties of the mind, the body responds spontaneously to every conceivable notion. Unless you are chosen - you will not listen, nor comprehend. Even the most intellectual of minds find it hard to grasp the concept of a "Loving God."
So, it is as written: At the coming of King Messiah, from the sacred cubical stone of the temple, a white light will be arising during a forty-days period. This light will expand until it encloses the whole entire world. At that time King Messiah will allow himself to be revealed. Just as the ancient story of the resurrection of Osiris, after a cruel death and horrible mutilation, inflicted by the power of evil, was given a new form. He was not born again in the flesh, but transformed into a new being, spiritually and physically. I am born again - Dedekiah.
Similarly, the Egyptians firmly believed that besides the soul there was some other element of man that would ultimately rise again. "The Book of the Dead" translate Maōt from Hebrew to mean "the female counterpart of Thoth" - meaning straight. In the doctrine of eternal Life, the whole man consist of a natural body, a spiritual body, a heart, a duad, a heart-soul, a shadow, a spirit-soul, and a name. All bound together inseparably , and the welfare of any single one of them concerned the welfare of them all.
Thoth was the Divine intelligence that spoke the words creating the visible world. This great Supreme power that created all was called Neter, a word that meant God-like. To repeat the expression "ye are gods" is a mere abstraction, and has real vital significance for a believer in immortal soul. And when the mortal mind collides with the immortal spirit, the spirit sheds its radiance upon a human being. Then, that human being becomes a god. It possess all attributes, such as omniscience and omnipotence. A man may become endowed with these, but yet unable to fully manifest them while in the body, during which time they are obscured, veiled, limited by the capabilities of physical nature. It is implied that the rarest of all psychological phenomena, the perfect union of the immortal spirit with the terrestrial Duad has occurred, the Trinity is complete: A god was incarnate.
God Planted a Garden
As a raging fire destroys all that's in its path; so a mind raging with evil consumes a man's life.
As the children of light overshadow darkness, does a tongue in wrath ensue the man with strife.
The spiritually blind, they have no sight for what is real - what is wise. As seeds scattered abroad are the cries of the hopeless, desperate, lost and deprived. Forever in search for... what?
We'll never grasp the full concept of understanding nothing, as everything is abrupt.
Like a mathematical equation - quotient; or some form of a higher sum... a solution.
A man ponders his own conscience for universal knowledge - solace - a resolution.
These are the mysterious ways of things and their precepts.
So, one must be very competent, intuitive and adept.
As the soul thrives on its journey to perfection, the spirit drives man through three distinct stages.
Still, man is content to live reflecting in his senses, unawakened to the wisdom of the ages. Thus, he reaps a mind that continually oscillates between its fleshly and divine tendencies; constantly fighting, falling and rising, sinning and repenting relentlessly.
The man - still loving, reluctant to leave the gratifications in which he has so long willed; lest all aspire to a level so pure and excellent in the spirit - and for this purpose must we all live.
Watching, now, as the sun is slowly descending. I wonder what my tomorrow will bring. Judging from my personal essay it can be said I have lost myself. Twenty calendar years of incarceration will do that to a person. Especially under the gun of mandatory Life. But I explained that injustice in "Actually Innocent - Actual Innocence."
In summary, I was granted an Evidentiary Hearing in May 2018. So, naturally my thoughts are always concentrated on the legal aspects of my case - meeting the prongs of newly discovered evidence.
I am reflecting over the many years spent in the Florida Department of Corrections; the days and nights; the hours and minutes. I've learned so much: The most important thing is "Never give up" - Thank you [redacted] for reminding me on my Birthday (2018) - and the lessons of Life are valued with me now. I also realized that time is precious; and even the thoughts in my mind, as well as the words spoken from my lips. These operate in three different dimensions. Time is a dimension of its own; and we are bound against or will to travel in one direction - forward. There is no reason to regret things past. Is there? And the thoughts, they too are nothing but allusions, whether past or future; the true reality of mind is the dimension of "Now." That demon that I fought so long and finally conquered was fear of loss of Love, Life and prosperity - that lead to my depression. Words: Can't take them back once spoken. So, as stated by the great teacher Yeshua (Messiah) "Happy are them who are conscious of spiritual things [my emphasis]. Because to them belong the Kingdom of God.
This testimony of a desolate soul - Not just mine. But every soul of man, women and child will have its testimony, a day the soul-man will be asked: "What have you done in Life?" Some testimonies are greater than others. Mine is a treasure found hidden because I asked myself, of my soul's purpose and agenda. My inner being said, "Seek for yourself first the kingdom of God and His righteousness (within my mind) and all things necessary would be added [to my Life]". Never again will my Life, family, friends and community be the same - the way I see them in my mind's eye. The things I now despise, if taken away, I begin to love again. Life is truly ironic. As time moves on, I must move also.
January 1st, 2019
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