Transcript
The thing that I'm going to speak on is very important to me like the following education, vision of a better way to operate, reflection on the work of dealing with time inside, the challenge of physical and psychological survival, what inmates need to make it on the outside. Education is the foundation for the survival of anybody who do not want to struggle their whole life for basic necessities of every day living. I come from a household that made education a #1 priority. Yet I abandon what I was tought for a life of crime and older women. I was fourteen when I chose the streets, [gave?] up a job I'd had for a year and and a half and a girl who was pratically in love with me. Some time I call her the girlfriend I didnt know I had. As life got more complicated becoming more serious by the day I was fifteen a grown man with a twenty eight year old woman who had four kids none of em mine. For the next couple years robbing, guns [?] and dope [saling?] became my life style. I looked up to killas and robbers who would say, the block the only school I need after a while I felt the same way caught a murder charge headed to the pin. Nineteen layed back but still wild in a way. The first three years I kept the same mentality I rob, beat cats up, made white lighting and sold any [?] I got my hands on. A lot of people feared me so I was crossed out. After a year I ended up on max where my true journey [begin?]. I was locked in a cell for two years without a T.V. for twenty three hours a day. This is where I found my talent for writing and kept writing. Needing a way to express myself so I wrote and kept writing waking up on a day with six poem books. It was cool and my family was proud but the journey didnt end there. I started reading about history, civil rights and revolutionary movement, government conspiracy among other things which made me take a hard look at myself and find out who I am not only as a person but as a black man, understanding what a great people we come from. Without even trying I thought myself to understand politics. Now I consider myself a political activist in a sense. While I was on max I read this urban book by a brother locked up in V.A. I said if he can do it I can. Eleven urban erotic tales later I feel like I'm the best in my field using my books as a foundation for every thing else I wont to do. Like take care of my family first of all. Have the money to open my bakery and candy store plus buy my brothers and parents homes. I just got my ged last year. I'm in the process of getting my first book published so I can pay for my collage courses. I wont to take business management, account and marketing. So I can run my business manage my own money and market myself. Only then understanding the importance of education was any of this possible so I thank god for my vision. Vision of a better way to operate. I had to go thru the hard times as a lost soul in order to get where I am today. I'm a firm believer in the things we go thru in life makes us the people we are or about to become. I [youst?] to wonder why I chose the life I chose, locked up at seventeen. Not understanding me being the center of my family changed everybody's life not for the better. I blame myself some times and it hurt to see my family struggle. I'm lock behind bars cant do [nothing?]. The guilt of what I done. Plus seeing my family cope with the consequences of my actions, made me figure out how I can turn this negative into a positive. I just got off lock down a month ago aint had a write up in three years. I had to realize what I do affect my family. I havent seen em in five years. I had to understand family is what's more important so I put them first. Before I make a mistake I think about them because my decisions affect them to. My stepmother wrote me a letter and said when you got locked up we got locked up with you. I think that was the first time I understood their pain. And my mother try to do what she can. I just realized one day how my books can change not only my life but my familys to. That's why I work hard on making my dream a reality because not only am I depending on my dream coming true but my family is to. I have to much riding on me winning to lose. My father is a great man sacrificed a lot to make sure me and my brothers had. I feel like it's time for him to enjoy life. With a positive attitude and staying out of trouble or away from problems and situations that could lead to unfavorable circumstances. I can do anything I put my mind to. So I set very high goals for myself. Watching myself achieve each one. That's how I found a better way to operate. Reflection on the work of dealing with time inside. I got to say it wasn't easy at first. [Nineteen?] in prison with twenty two at a hundred even though it aint life I couldnt except it. So I was [wilding?] crashing out left and right. Dong everything under the sun. Plus I stayed [high?] as I could blowing weed like crazy. I'll call home like once or twice a year for the first three years in prison. I didnt care about the outside this here is my life now. I think I stopped feeling like that when I was on max and I realized how having somebody on the outside made time in here a lil easier The months went by faster and the every day problems you have to deal with didnt seem that bad. Ever since then I write as much as I can. Family, females it didnt matter, just to have someone remind you it's a world outside of this one keeps me grounded give me something to strive for. Give me a reason to care and wont to do the right thing just knowing in eleven more years I'll be on the streets again. I got [guys?] in here I look at as family who got fifty one years, forty, and one with two hundred. I think about how would it feel to have life. Never going home again. If dont [nothing?] change. Think about the kids another generation has to grow up without proper guidance. Another son from a mother, husband from a wife. How can I complain about what I got when I turn thirty six I'm free. No more long years to do. No more silent pain I make my time easier focusing on a better life than this. The challenge of physical and psychological survival is vital to your survival in prison. Me personally I'm 6'6 260 lbs solid. If I was to get in to altercation there's a good chance I'll be facing a knife. So I kept one of my own. Not realizing if I didnt put myself in surtain situations I wouldnt need a knife. I work out [jog?] stay fit not only to be able to defend myself but also to stay healthy. If you dont take care of your self in here you can tell. Look twice your here, out of shape just looking bad. I know guys who's almost fifty cut up like a twenty year old. I wont to still be proud to take my shirt off at forty six pack and all. Not only do you feel better you live longer. In order to stay out of harms way and make it in prison you have to have your mind up to par and because mistakes get people killed or stabbed plenty times. So you dont have time for do overs. Whatever personal problems you have dont take it out on everybody else [?] it's always somebody who problems worst than yours, believe me. Give respect, you get respect, mind your own business you'll make it out the pin without many problems. The things inmates need to make it on the outside is more programs that help a person deal with or blind back in with life on the outside. From the time I was locked in 02' to 10' a lot has changed. Like the collage courses the prison now offer. You cant major in any thing right now but it's a start. The different vocational programs you can take that will be recognized with the TN department workforce. Therefore a person who take the classes and get the certificates necessary to maintain a certain job will be earning union wages. Things are getting better but we have a long way to go. I personally feel like every body should be in tune with politics because every decision that's made in congress affects your life in one form or another. And if it dont affect you then it will affect your children. Inmates need to read more. A lot of people feel like it aint cool to read I read and aint lost no cool points because I say I dont. We as men have to realize the power of thought. We are what we say we are. Take responsibility for our actions and find out who we are. Find our strengths and our weaknesses. Therefor if you know yourself no one can use your weakness against you which bring about discipline. After that the skys the limit. I think if a person dont give their self a chance and learn something helpful that'll give you a chance at a better life then you have only one choice and that's to go back to the same thing you were doing before you got here. The last and most important thing of all is having a spiritual foundation because aint nothing possible without allah or god as so many call him. With everything I spoke on in this essay I feel like it's such a important issue because people dont realize if we dont get support from the government with programs or everything we need to become beneficial to society, then your releasing people who are the same way they came in. Dont think the prison system dont have any money. The Obama administration is holding people accountable that's probably the only reason we have the programs we have. I'm twenty five wishing know twice as what I know now when I'm thirty five. D.Gordon Wartburg TN
