Webster’s defines heartache

Webster's defines heartache as "emotional sorrow or anguish"; which I would say is feeling of sadness or grief. Yet, to even get to heartache we have to experience some form of love. Love carries many definitions, I personally prefer "The deep tenderness, affection and concern felt for a person with whom one has or wishes to have a relationship based on sexual attraction." (Webster's, 2005) How is it that Love, something so deep and meaning full, tends to lead to heartache? Is it possible to even have love without heartache? How does one even find love? Are we all meant to experience love? Countless questions can revolve around your mind, while you ask yourself these very questions. What about finding love in the darkest place? A place where emotions mean weakness and weakness makes you a victim. A place where love is not allowed, due to rules and expectations. A place where you cannot trust anyone? A place where you have to watch your back at all times? A place where being selfish is all most know? Honestly, if you ask yourselves those questions you might come up with it is completely unlikely, and I agree- But I was lucky! I found true love in a place I thought impossible and when I wasn't even looking. When you have so little trust due to past events in life, because you've been broken again and again you stop looking. You stop hoping. You give up... Yet, while incarcerated I fell in love with a wonderful guy. Which adds a whole new dynamic, because you see I have never identified as Gay or even Bi. I have learned the LGBTQ+ spectrum is quite wide a diverse and sexuality can't always be tied to a label. I have always identified as "Alternative Lifestyle" but that is because I don't like labels and believe that whomever I fall in love with is okay to love. I finally found what I had been looking for -to love and be loved- and even though in a place where you show little emotion and not allowed to physically express affection, WE Love! I thought I had finally found my fairy tale. Yet, as quickly as it was found it was lost! Gone in a moment, unable to even say goodbye, all because of a transfer. Just my luck! I thought I had found a happy ending but definitely an unhappy one for sure. Some would say that those incarcerated don't deserve anything! But the reality is we are still human beings. We have emotions. We might have just made mistake? Does that really mean we should spend the rest of our lives miserable? That don't seem fair? And honestly if two individuals are able to find a bit of happiness they should be allowed. The greatest part of love is how to make you better ... It brings out all the best qualities in each other. That is absolutely true in this case, I know I brought out the best in him. Make him more rational, think before he acted and defined what caring really means. Though he did the same to me. He instilled self confidence in me. He made be really see who I am, and how great that was. It's crazy what real love can really do for each other ... yet in this environment it's not allowed? Why not? Why can we not be there for each other, bring out the best in each other, grow with each other ... isn't that really the best? That is all I want! I would love to be able to cross paths with the one I feel in love with, the one that loved me the same and be able to share a bit of happiness. Will it be a happily ever after? I don't know but it sure would be amazing to be able to find out ... Talk about a movie love story. Two guys meet in the most unlikely of places. Who are complete opposites. Who have lived and experienced completely different lives ... yet, they find a common thread between them- LOVE- and it is the most amazing experience ever. They are able to live Happily Ever After, now that's a movie worth seeing or a book worth reading. But, Until Then they just have to wait, to hope and to pray their paths cross again (either inside or outside). Don't WE deserve to at least be a little happiness? I'm not asking for much, just to be allowed to be at the same facility and cellmates with the one who could be my happy ending? Crazy how life does us ... Love then Heartache 🙁 Until Then ...