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3/7/18 Your true character is revealed not by how you act when life goes your way, but how you act when the bottom falls out. — Reflection The American Prison Writing Archive... To Whom It May Concern Thank you for reaching out and letting me know my previous writing wasn't the perspective you'll were looking for. I do apologize on my end for being so callow in my representation, far as offering something like that. I have personally taken some much needed reflection on my current existence here while in prison. I find it funny that most men in these situations always attempt to hide their feelings (including myself) due to the watchful eye of predators always looking for the weakness that displays vulnerbility. Being vulnerable isn't easy while occupying space in these man made concrete settings. 🙁 For the past 21 years I've been inmate number 330190 and it has began to eat at my core. I've always thought that the necessary stamina that was needed to defeat this place was the way I was dis- playing my courage. But over the years my so called courage has begun to show perspectives of decay and erosion. Meaning time is no longer allowing me to re- main optimistic about returning home to love one's that was left behind when I was pulled from the buxom of the loving haven that had my best interest. Some of which may and/or may not be actually still living. Looking around seeing so many that look like me almost breaks my heart. Why? Because one would have thought things would begin to evolve and change for the better. Gun violence is elevated to the highest level and it almost looks like the wild wild west in those inner cities. These prisons are filling to rim and are finding themselves percolating with anger, depression, and pure frustration. All these elements only impregnate young ignorant minds to con- tinue the proliferation of more violence. Way too much swaggering and posturing and not enough book carrying and the devouring of knowledge, wisdom, and having the gift of being eloquent. Over the years I've lost a lot of weight which was weight of ignorance and selfish behavior. One must take personal inventory of self and begin to make some serious life changes. Prison wont push the mind to make these type of adjust- ments, the mind that begins to search for more edification will start the necessary dietary changes within. Prison has nothing to with.growth, maturity, enrichment, and accountability. Again I've been incarcerated for the last 21 years and none of these WI prisons are pushing the agenda of betterment. In the event someone gets courage to filter out the inner ignorance and begin to search for the hidden treasure within only then will one feel true liberation. The problem most incarcerated black males endure is honest evaluation and inventory of the poisons laying dormat within. I came to prison at the young age of twenty years of age and I'm now 40 years young. My mind has become my most sacred weapon and its ability to load and continuously reload. The ammunition is the fluent blessing of moving ambidextrously around those attempting to halt and/or hinder my growth which is my choice as a man. As a child I played with childish things but as an adult I learned to put away childish behaviors and/or things. Another perspective of why real rehabilitation isn't locating 75% of those coming and going is...FEAR. See fear is real and it is not allowing immaturity to remove itself, which is growing at an alarming rate. I'm sure the NRA is licking their chops daily all while witnessing the growth of gun ownership. The more guns that are floating unregistered is a victory to those that prefer gun's to have freedom to flood the better judgement. I often find myself wondering what these wardens are really thinking and why nothing is changing. Well I guess if things start to change for the greater good they wouldn't have jobs. Don't get me wrong there are some men that deserve to be here for some of the ugly, and heinous actions being displayed. But for the rare beings that begin to understand that remaining the same is not accepted. Well beloved reader I do appreciate you for allowing me the opportunity of grabbing some of your time and placing some real thoughts upon its existence. I recently did this interview and it reached 15 million likes and comments and its about growth and change. Please make time and pull it up @https://vimeo.com/213166585/ 450b548e1b. I'm the black male in the video. I'll be purging soon be well and remain free mentally. Respectfully, Mr. Marquis Omar Gilliam #330190
