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Author: Pseudonym: 3 Lynn Bodhi Title: Date: May 20, 2023 What I hide behind my smile will not surface for the while I show my teeth but underneath a part of me is aching to be set free Free from the anger I repress of those who told me I was less simply by how I dress Loose from the ties around my chest that tell me I’m too much to express Unbound from the anchor that weighs me down that yells I have to stick around and stay within the ocean of not enough. Regret, sadness and drown but I’m fine so I smile If you looked in my eyes and saw the pain that I disguise you would never see me the same Abundance of triggers painted by the past creating cavities in the floor of my path I laugh Ironically I do cause I know the joke was never on you I do it to convince my mood not to brood cause a smooth sea never made a skillful sailor and a great restaurant always has a waiter In other words to fuel my life and mind with greatness I must have patience Endure and serve My higher self no matter how turbulent it gets around the curve I grin Now cause I know within there beats a will to win against our doubtful mind that doesn’t encourage but leaves us blind and behind But still I cry cause it’s hard sometimes when you're so used to being surrounded by the white lines of limits and lies that diminish And though the crimes you’ve made penance Part of your mind is accustomed to listen Walt Whitman said re-examine everything You've been told and dismiss that in which insults your soul So when I smile I’m making the choice to nourish that inner child and go back home before the whole world abandons me alone Misunderstood I smirk cause it’s the only explaining that I could Cause if I let you in and you don’t listen Then essentially not only my body but my heart is in prison So I smile and wait awhile until “youre not being here” I'm no longer aware I stop and stare jealous of the phase I had when I didn’t care, I look back And it seems so much better over there But as I smile forward I see it reappear Chin up high as if no tear was ever there Heartaches of the past shall not repeat And the lessons are mine to teach As a light worker my smile can’t help to gleam as I transmute the darkness I’ve seen in the quiet corners of my being What I hide behind my smile is forgiveness That hasn’t set in But my smile persists Until I let go of everything I held within