The 5th victims

Kiser, Paul J.

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The 5th Victims Everybody forgets about them, the loved ones. The ones left behind. The ones on the other side of the aisle. The ones who also ask why. Why did he do it? What did I do wrong? Why didnt I see? What did I do wrong? How do I go on? Grief and guilt are terrible alone, but together can shatter who you are. They are looked upon with pity not compassion. They shoulder the guilt without being guilty. They all do the time too. Some without accepting what was done. They belieive because they truth cannot be. A broken heart can only be see in the eyes. And only if you are looking. Where is their victim services. It starts where it all began. We must take the responsibility from them and place it where it belongs. Accept who you were so you can be who you are. Find meaning, and if in the end we still dont fully know why, then thats okay. Because in the journey to accept and in the attempt to make some sort of amends we will have tipped the scales of pain back to the side of healing. Healing for our victims. The victims on both sides of the aisle. I received a sentence of 616 months for the murder of 4 people, an entire family. For the first twenty years of my time I hid from my guilt with drugs. A habit I forced my family to pay for. My father died 4 years into my sentence so the burden fell to my mom. I broke her. She died in 2014 penniless. My girlfriend at the time endured ridicule, pity, anger and was used by people for their own sick pleasure. It was so bad for her she had to move out of the state away from her family and friends. It took the loss of everyone that loved me, to even start looking at what I did in order to begin some sort of journey other than what my life became. The tool in which I will use on this trip is the one thing that I have been fighting against. Time. The biggest burden and the greatest gift.

Author: Kiser, Paul J.

Author Location: Kansas

Date: March 23, 2018

Genre: Essay

Extent: 2 pages

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